A stAr A DreaM

Another Dae

2011-01-11T13:56:00.002+08:00

It been 6 month since i moved to her house. I'm counting down with no deadline.

Every dae i wake up with my gum swollen, clenching my teeth together hardly. Is painful. I read about it on the net, it said that such tings took place due to stress and anger. Mine happen unconscious during the night. I guess probably i didn't manage to handle my anger well during the daytime and unconsciously built up the stress during the night. Or i have been suppressing my anger too much and it indirectly causes mi to react at night.

I might ended up in a doctor room for consultation soon. One fine dae, the doctor will tell mi that i nid to get away from all tis and find a place to rest and relax myself if not i will go crazy ani moment soon. If not i should go and get myself admitted to IMH. Hey, who noes i find frens there.

Everydae when i finish work i wonder where should i go next? Home to rest? But where's home? Where ish my home? Where ish the home that i can rest? I dun hav ani. I dun hav a place where i can rest. I dun hav a place where i can play n relax after work. A place call home.

I plan to go on a trip by myself one dae. To go genting maybe. I just nid a walk that's all. A place to get away from tat irritating creature. I realli wish to do so. O god i pray. let mi walk out of tis darkness soon. I might realli lost control one dae. Indeed i m vibrating everi time she do sometin stupid. I m afraid i cant control ani longer.... o god.... SAVE MI....

Has it realli ended?

2010-10-27T08:58:00.002+08:00

Has it really ended this time round. I'm not sure too. The pain ish worst than a cut. The broken heart waiting to be mend.

Recalling how it all started. I cant believe it, started from a game. Than moved on, more than just fren. A wall tat support you. To help u shield against the thunderstorm. Now yet it turn into the one tat hurt u the most.

From a different world. Met in a magical way. Like romeo and juliet the "star crossed lover". However, death draws them apart. This is indeed different from them. They loved each other and would die for each other. In reality, does such tings ever happen ani more? I doubt so.

Gal would do ani tin for the guy. Hold him in her hand like a perious jewel. Guy like to play around and find for excitment can never stay still in one's heart. That is who he is. Can she accept such guy? Can he ever change for her?

I oledi lost hope. The fire had stop burning. 4 yrs of trust gone and shuttled. leaving all the ashes behind waiting to be clear. Memories are bitter sweet to recall. Wad ish done cannot be undo. walking smoothly away leaving the heart in bits and pieces.

My heart turn cold. I see no sun for now. I wish winter doesnt stay long and sun will come bk one dae. To light up the world and give life once more.

18102010

2010-10-18T11:23:00.003+08:00

Todae date. 18102010.

Yes, super long time. Why here than?
Nothing better to do. Nth to play. Shirley reminded mi that there ish sometin call blog.
LOL...
She's creating one rite now.
Who ish she??
Well it has to go all the way back to june 28th 2010.

I resigned from MAH and got a clinic job.
Good time. 9-5 office hours. sat half dae sundae off. More time to play around.
Bie bie oso got a new job. 8.30-6 office hours and sat and sun off. So we are super stable & spending alot alot of time tgt. Still trying to chase the time we lost when we were sperated. Life ish goooood.

Sis said. Better temper and more time to see and chit chat w mi. BUT not healthy for pocket and banks. Yup. More time means more outing. wad to do. Teeheehee. =)

Oledi completed my study now wad ish left ish waiting for the result. Tsk tsk. Last assignment sux totally. Well i cant help it. I noe wad ish to be done. BUT i just cant do it. Had nv done lit r/v before. 8000 words of rubish was submitted for marking. *shrug* i guess i can onli pray to the stars above. Good luck!

Finally started my driving lesson. Lessons were tough. Driving ish fun but stressful. Still learning how to control the car. Ish horrible to siam from taxi that stop half way to pick up passager and ppl that ish J-walking. Now i noe how it feels, and often accident hapen becoz of Siamming. So giving my best to learn but not cheap. $42 per lesson 1.5hrs. Instructor nice auntie. rough, straight forward and loud but nice. hahahas =)

Wad am i going to do nx? I oso dunnoe yet, but sure i will find some tin to do. Was tinking of doing part time actually. isst not good?? Part time on sat and sun. Doing sometin and earning extra money. However mum pointed out that it means less time for paktohology. Humm Humm... Let see wad i can do bah.

Memories seems to be getting worst. I cant rmb much when i read my past post. I guess i didnt really put them in heart. Agurments wad are they about?? Cant rmb.

O ya. I shifted to my godma house. My whole family shifted. Coz we haven got a place to stay for the time being. Life there.... No comment. Dun wan to comment. cant comment. o well. Keep my words to myself.

Tiny tingy jiu dun wan to write le. So far so good bah. Will live on ~

updating

2009-11-03T23:44:00.002+08:00

Wad have i been stressing up wif. My exam ish nearer and nearer. the tension and stresses are building up like HDB flat higher and higher. I feel all tired and caught up wif tiredness. i cant seems to work harder. i'm tired.

again

2009-08-21T20:21:00.000+08:00

Long time since i vomit here.
alot of bad things and good tings had happen to mi. But good ones.
Cant rmb much. maybe the best was i'm still alive?
Bad one. Lots.
> I had a big quarrel wif my mum. real bad one. almost fought wif her. Good tin. We are okay now but i somehow feels the gap in between of us. The closeness no longer there. Till now i cant said how sad i m. I onli can said i wish i'm all alone.
> I injuried my left knee wif a big blue black. Good tin apart from blue black nth elsa. Still intact, Can move. Been 4 daes from now. On the way to recovery. Bigger than a 50 cent. Painful, ern ytd was much more painful but still i'm working. No big deal. Haematoma onli.
> I guess the biggest different of boi and garl ish We view and said tin and see tins differently. Obsevervation ish nv the strong part of boi but garl. They are best in creating small tings into big things like juz a small matter it can become.... Way bigger than sky. Garl feeling are sensetive and get upsad veri easily. That's garl and tat's mi. I was totally HURT. heart broken and now finding for silicone to stick my heart back. From glass to clay. than to plastic. than to wood. metal and lastly stone. Unbreakable. Where m i already?Clay to plastic? still breakable. The good tin. I didnt shear a tear. Not a drop. But who can i lie to when my heart ish crying. I take it all back and luffed. Even when i'm alone in the bus. I felt it come but i swollow it down. I take it.

I admit to fate. 50% depends on mi. 50% depends on fate. And i noe. I'm fated to have such treatment, I take it. I no longer get sad over it. I noe i can, it ish not impt anymore. Another not impt tingy. soon everi tin will be not impt. Soon i will be wood. slowly i will learn. I noe i will. coz i m Chng Sheau Harn. I can be alone. I can I will and I would be. I will learn to walk alone fight alone live alone and die alone. Work towards my dream alone. Wif futurn alone. No longer dragging other. Harn Stay strong and stand strong. U can be and u can do it. U have who u nid. and u noe u will nv leave urself. I have themost impt person to support mi. Myself. If i gib mi up. I'll left wif nth. But i wont. I will fight. Wif my best soilder, Mi Myself and I.

long time

2009-07-12T08:55:00.002+08:00

It's been since a long time i drop in.
Things are going on fine. As in fine.
There is always good and bad in life it all depends on how you take it.

Last night was.... -.-
I cant believe it, my brain had not been resting from work. From assessment to work place. Keep running and running. Non- stop. And what i meant was, i m very clear of what's happening in my little brain. Work place problem. H1N1, admission, work n work. reason of why does this patient need to be admitted. Then it goes on to my presentation work. My lesson plan, my PowerPoint slides, where should i get the pictures that i want, how should i get them. dam. I cant believe it. what on earth is happening? Now back at my desk agn. slacking for awhile,then back to work. Need to get it done asap. crap.

Watched (own time, own target) play. was really nice and funny. So now lisa and fiona goes like CB la. U should noe what it means. Than we goes like chao missy. hahas. Was really enjoying with shawn lisa fiona and angela. ^^ nice having them. Planning to find and watch another play together. tsk back to work than.

* I need more time for every thing. *

gone

2009-06-30T00:53:00.002+08:00

Do u ever care? I wonder...
or m i juz too....
i feel like.... i live in a wood.
Fill with trees.
how nice. JUz as i tot i was found. So blessed so loved.
I am lost agn.
all gone. By the wind.
formating....

My heart

2009-06-14T20:02:00.001+08:00

Everyone will make mistakes in their life.
Taking the wrong pathway or making the wrong decisions.
One of the biggest mistakes that I’ve make in my life is to hurt someone. A special someone, that is so dear to me. Who is kind and understanding, who never complaints about my attitude or my behaviours. Who pampers me despite knowing that he is actually spoiling me. Who has never given up in our relationship. But what is done, is done. There is no turning back but to move on with life. We have been through the hardship and pain. Through thick and thin we promise of not giving up. We thought…. Or rather I thought even after this incident we can actually move on without looking back. Till he said it out than did I realised that it was not as simple as ABC. I should have known that the damage that was done to him was too huge. That it cannot be recovered fully and also leaving a big and ugly scar in his heart. Like a nightmare to him. I should have, on that very moment, left him for his good. He will be able to find a better gal. Someone that will not make the mistake that I have made.

Now I got it. The pain from the words he said. The guilt that I felt after the incident came haunting me back. The damage that I’ve made, I was too naïve to believe we will somehow walk out of the incident and stay blessed together. Since that incident till now has already pass 8 months. These 8 months, was filled with laughter, full of hope, blessed with love. We have short arguments, unhappiness, disagreement and misunderstanding. But those resolved less than 24 hrs, and then we will be laughing and playing again. Enjoying our days together. Why happiness never last long?

Is already the 3rd packet of tissue that I’ve use. I can’t forgive myself this time round when memories came pouring back to me. He did no wrong. He deserver someone better. One who can love him and put him in the first place. Unlike mi, who never know how to treasure such a good guy till when I’m losing it than realise how important he is. But I know even if I’m back together with him. I will still be as naught, as demanding and unreasonable as I have always been. But I promise I’ll never make the same mistake ever again. Cos through this incident I’ve learn how much he actually love me. How much he treasured me. How much he had give in to me.

But I dun have the courage to carry on anymore. I don’t know how we will be anymore. Will he still treat me as good as before? Will he still love mi and pampers me? Will he change his love towards me? And if he does still treat me like before, am I worth such treatment? Everyone make mistakes. Some mistakes can be covered up, some mistake cannot be forgiven. Some mistake can end up taking people life. My mistake causes my own fate. Fate is 50% done by god and 50% controlled by self. God let me know him, yet I destroyed the rest of the road. There is no one but me to blame. I won’t blame him if ever he decided to leave me. I dun have the right to give up on him. I dun even wan to. I’ll follow his decision weather to continue or to put a full stop to our story.

If we were to continue we have to put all these away from our memories, if not we will never be able to stay happy. If he were to give up, I’ll wish him all the best in his life and find a better gal.I admitted my mistake and sincerely said I’m Sorry.

2009-06-13T22:00:00.001+08:00

Not feeling veri well tis few days.
Stomach seems like having some cramp and throat feels sore.
M i coming down wif illness agn. Hope not.
I nid hugs. >.< Badly. Tsk tsk.
HUMP!!!

izzt mi

2009-06-05T11:08:00.002+08:00

is it my problem or wad?
That i have to start turning to my own blog to talk my heart out.
Now i noe wad's the use of having it. For mi to shout out in silent.
I
m
speechless.
sign.

My future?

2009-06-04T23:11:00.003+08:00

Been thinking abt future tis few daes. Here and there, here n there.
Wad i realli wans in life? I lost it. totally.
I dunnoe wad i should do, wad i wan to do and who i wan to do it wif.
i dunnoe how to move on wif things or stay as it ish.
For the time being i'll let it stay till i figure out wad i wan to do.
i'm lost n no where to be found agn. SIAN....

deleted

2009-06-02T23:34:00.002+08:00

i accidently deleted my post, so forget it.
Ani way, i'm back and going to start work soon.
wish mi all the best.
GOd Bless Mi

In life

2009-05-28T01:24:00.002+08:00

wad do u realli wan in life?
I asked. yet i doubt my self.
I dunnoe wad i wan in life ani more. I dunnoe which way i should take. I dunnoe if i will make the correct decision. there is 2 road i would like to take but i will onli be able to choose one.

1. I wan to explore. i wan to gain more experience. I wan to move on. but i dun like going into a new place. I dun wanna leave the ppl i noe and start all over again.

2. I wan to stay and work wif ppl i like. Juz have a comfort zone. Than find a guy who can support mi and marry. Some one who can support mi. Than i wont nid to climb juz stay as wad i m now.

I'm lost. i wan to fight yet i dunnoe wad i'm fighting for. cried. alone. lonely. wad should i do?

long long time

2009-05-25T22:34:00.002+08:00

been since a long time i actualli update my blog.
Time flew agan. so fast ish already coming to june. sch holidae starting soon.
My anual leave started already. That ish the 2nd week already. tis leave, i'm still working as a PSA due to we are terribly short of staff. Each of them had to work 7 ot tis month. hopefully we will soon get a new staff. Life hasnt been easi at all. tired and stress up. Cried but wad we has to let go we cant hold back. I've tried my best so let it been. soon it will pass and a new one has come. Holding bk would help mi at all. so let look forward for a better one tis time round.

Todae while listening to my ipod, my mind started to tink about my feeling towards him. Didnt tink that it could be tat. I didnt noe i've already... it seems to be getting better. dae by dae. now i realli understand the full meaning of misses him. Seem like putting in more effort. i can understand the fear in mi but i wish we would be tgt for the rest of my life. i like being tgt wif him. he made mi luff, make mi cry, make mi worri, make mi angry and make mi jealous at times too. Jus i nv told him tat before. he's hard work i can see but at time yet i feels that he ish not putting in enough. I noe ish not easi and the more i should be understanding. That why i'm always supportive. Some time even keep my own sadness so as not to let him worri too much. There's nth much i can do for him but to let him fight himself.

He always tinks that he ish not good enuf. But to mi, he ish realli wonderful.He ish great. I dun tink i will be able to find another guy who will be able to take my nonsense at all. I noe i'm not tat good, at time even do stupid tings but yet he nv complaint at all. When i'm not in a mood or angry he will always be the one tat go soft on mi. but always stern when he wants mi to carry out some tin that ish good for mi. I like spenting time wif him. simply adore him. His nv gib up attitude is wonderful. Thru so mani happening and tings. He nv gib up on mi before. despite mi keep pouring ice. I hereby gib u a chance to take care of mi. Will be a good girlfren. Thanks dear ^^ hugs.

i'm tired le. ywan, i should go bed le good nite. sweet drem.

keep silent

2009-05-10T07:03:00.002+08:00

Seeing him troubled wif his own work place problem,
i didnt told him wad i m going to face soon.
The fact that i'm also not having a good time juz didnt surface out from my words. I cant bear to gib him my pain. Or to share my pain wif him to add more pain to him. I cried. My heart ish aching. feel like telling him to gib up. But if i do so, will he feel better? Telling him dun try ani more. Juz let go n giv up. I felt pain when i see u struggling to get better at ur work. I noe it ish hard but than i dunnoe wad u wan mi to do. I guess u would like mi to support you.
didnt sleep much, even when i m asleep. Ny mind are awake. Dreams floated in n out. 4 hrs plus of sleep n i gib up sleeping. There will be one dae, u will see my floating like a zombie. but still i will be fine. I'll take care of myself.
nx week is juz a head, my dead line is nearing soon. I seriously should sit down n gib myself a good thots. Whether to move on or to contiune. My eyes are painful n i didnt noe wad to do.
God was busy ytd. tat's wad i told lisa. N he will be having a Day off todae. Than mondae blue was wad lisa added on. So tis few daes he wont be free. Still i pray. God pls look after all the ppl that i love. a long list of them. they are all in my heart God bless them.
Hugs all for the support tat u all haven given mi. Thanks amber for everi tin.hugs.

Cant be help

2009-04-18T11:20:00.004+08:00

清明时节雨纷纷,夜来孤独又寂寞

不知何处找女人,龟公摇指芽笼村.

cant be help. When i read the words it was dame funni hahas. Tis few daes, weeks and months had been super busy n pile up wif work and study. Ytd was after MONTHS... more than 6, that i met up wif kukus. They are nice ^^ hahas. thank you to all of u for the dinner at new york new york wif the suprise candle on top of the mudpie wif mi saying idiot as i was on the phone. Bu hao yi si o. got chance i will up load the pic when i got it from ling lor. hahas ^^ thanks fren ^^

work had been super busy and tired. Working wif people u like or dislike does matter. But so far, ish still okay. Didnt have time to realli sit down n up date as my sch work ish piling up. due date ish nearer n nearer.

Got to get prepare for work. Take care.

愛

2009-03-26T19:27:00.004+08:00

❤❤❤也許愛情是一部憂傷の童話❤❤❤

♂放棄一個很愛你の人並不痛苦♀
♂放棄一個你很愛の人那才痛苦♀
♂愛上一個不愛你の人那是更痛苦♀

(｡◕‿◕｡)(｡◕‿◕｡)

♀逃避不一定躲得過♂
♂面對不一定最難過♀
♀孤單不一定不快樂♂
♂得到不一定能長久♀
♀失去不一定不再擁有♂

(｡◕‿◕｡)(｡◕‿◕｡)

★愛是一種是思念★
ღ無論何時何地，當看不到她/他の時候會想念她/他ღ
(｡◕‿◕｡)(｡◕‿◕｡)

★愛也會是一種擔心★
ღ當他/她出事の時候你會比誰都著急ღ
(｡◕‿◕｡)(｡◕‿◕｡)

★愛是一種包容★
ღ你會包容她/他所有の缺點在你眼裡他/她永遠是最完美のღ

(｡◕‿◕｡)(｡◕‿◕｡)

★愛更是一種回憶★
ღ當你想起她/他做出可愛浪漫の事時，會不知覺の傻笑ღ

(｡◕‿◕｡)(｡◕‿◕｡)
★覺得好甜蜜好甜蜜★
ღ你體會到了嗎如果沒有就放棄重新開始吧祝福你ღ

(｡◕‿◕｡)(｡◕‿◕｡)

A long time

2009-03-24T10:56:00.002+08:00

It has been since a long time i actualli step in here.

To blog and write out wad happen each and everi dae.

time passes very fast, Ish going the end of march alreadi.

ytd was my presentation dae. and the veri fast time we run thru everi tin.

The feeling was totalli like shit. Yes. Prof. John said we all pass but we feel that our presentation ish one level low than other ppl.Tsk tis ish the price of last min work. Wad can i said? Nth. ish my fault too. Ani way ish the pass already forget it bah. Juz hope that this wed i will not be late to pass up my essay.

last sat went to stasia house and play. hahas. was super fun ^^. with lisa. First when we reach the house we looked around that mummi on com for us to do our home work. hahas. Than she start doing her house work. After that she went to fetch daddi. before out of house. she said"child please dun burn the house be good okay" hahas. after work jiu ish play lor. Majhong de. hahas. lisa was super slow in the end we played till 2 am. To finish the 4 rounds. woot. was realli slow. -.- but was nice. lisa keep asking for nx time hahas. hopefully there ish bah ^^. looking forward.

Todae ish another working day. soing to prepare for work soon. Take care le everi one. O ya. i almost forgot. I can help but said I MISS YOU. I realli do. When are u coming back. ur baby gal ish SOOOOOOOOO Cute. virginia... Come bk soon. ^^ take care. ^^

Back

2009-03-15T14:04:00.002+08:00

Back from genting trip. Tot wanted to load some pics up but....

the internet connection doesn't seems to be working veri well.

So shell blog without it le. Humm.

Tis time round going to Malaysia, the feeling ish so different from my past experiences. I dunnoe why but some how or rather i feel sad. Maybe becoz he.... Tis some how oso allowed mi to realli company my sis to play. Reaching the hotal lobby. Looked around. The memories. juz flow back. So fast already 6 months has past. So fast tings has already settle down. No longer...

Checked in. woot the room was super BIG. wahaha. Shiok. For the coming daes enjoyed. Played theme park coster. hahas. Sis was so super and yet so scary. hahas. Shop-ed. enjoy-ed. I even game-ed, and used the ticket that we won and exchanged 2 towel back. One change ish 600 tickets. OMG. We were both having muscle pain now due to over use of strength. hahas. Soon it was already the veri last dae. Bid good bye to the coolness of the weather. Sat in the car and looking forward to go home. My tis ish the first time i look forward to go home after the trip. Home to rest. But still we shop-ed abit in JB till late mid night than did we finalli return.

Tired, all tired out.

tis trip was planned for my sis. To allow her to enjoy her time before start work life. Juz like wad i had before i start work too. I went to genting n enjoyed wif my frens. I hope she will put her heart into her career and make the best out of her talent. Thru tis bad time. ANd wish her all the best in it. And pls stop laying at home. FIND WORK TO DO. -.- Jia you le. All the best.

1st dae of AL

2009-03-09T21:52:00.002+08:00

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!
HUUUUUHUUUUUU!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Sob sob.
Juz like tat. Gone le gone le.
the veri first dae jiu zhen yang MEI LE. !!
SOB SOB!
so fast, how mani more daes do i left onli. so sad. U noe when u enjoy ur time or when u dun wan it to end so fast. it juz ZOOM past u like.... Tsk i mus mus treasure.

Todae went bk to OPD, Bought donuts for them and pass up my essay to shawn shawn. Told him to take his time. after tat went to dentist. O y. I feel so clean now that i told my godma after cleaning, i dun feel like eating so as not to dirty it. hahas. nah i did eat. I tink i nid to cut down on my intake of rubbish le. n start taking proper meals. Humm. Tink abt it bah. all wet when i return home -.- than slept for 1 hrs plus. nice weather ^^. went class slacked awhle there went home.

Lisa ish sick. Poor tin MC for 2 daes. Met her juz now. she looks fine. humm get well soon le.
take care ar.

the pain

2009-03-06T23:04:00.002+08:00

20 daes of relationship. Juz ended like tat.
The pain, the sadness, the sorrow. who understand?
No one will. ish realli hurtful. i wish tis wont had happen. I wish tis could be avoided. I wish~ but ish all in my own mind.

there ish nth much i could do but to let time heal the pain. I'm sorri.

depressed

2009-03-03T23:51:00.002+08:00

It has been a week. I juz cant seem to get it.
I hav been feeling rather down n drepress. But i dunnoe why.
I cant tell ani one. not said cant, Jus tell wad?
The feeling juz come n go.
I felt so depress tat i feel like realli jumping down from MAH 6th floor juz like wad mummi had suggested to mi. Than she oso offer wheelchair to mi if my first attempt wasnt successful. so i can take the lift up on the wheelchair as i sure will Fructure my legs, to do my 2nd attempt. How nice can they be. my goodness. -.-
tml will be meeting korkor out. ^^ finalli after so mani months he re-appeared and ask for meet out. Wow. hahas. tsk. I juz sign... I DUNNOE WAD ISH HAPPENING.
nitez all.

2009-02-28T23:56:00.003+08:00

Welcome bk to life.

Been since a long time i actualli on my imac. Due to I dun have a key board to actualli switch on my mac mac. now finally i bought a new key board back. ^^ i'm loving it. Realli sweet. Cost mi $78 to get tis sweetie bk home. Juz becoz i wanted to clean it. Ended up killing it. Darn. O well. So here ish the new one. =( although it ish realli expensive but still i hav to buy it right. I cant leave tis mac die on. =( poor tin. poor mi hahas. Ani way' i realli happi to hav it bk.

I noe bie will be going thru a veri tough time. So i will try to gib all the support to him whenever i can. Jia you le. My off dae finished le. Tml going bk to work. Hopefully everi tin will be fine.

Got the LSCN le. Super happi. O dear my BCLS ish expiring this year. Seem like i hav to use my off dae and one public holidae to go for the course le. Tink maybe should use my AL to go for it. Humm. Good idea. Should see the date n tell sister about it than. See how it goes bah. Shell go n ask ask my educator. Humm. mid nite le. so tired. tsk. work hard le.

2009-02-27T02:21:00.002+08:00

tick-tock tick-tock
The clock ticking above, showing mi ish already pass my dream land entry timing.
The nx dae had already began without ani notice.
I'm tired, both emotinally and mentally and i guess physically ish coming in too.
I cant see was ish going to happen. Wad ish infront of mi. Badly want to noe how tings will go.
Muscle ache ish coming on. Old le. cant help it. Body ache due to not enuf sleep or bad mattress. I dunnoe. Wad's going in my mind. ya i noe ZzzZzzz seems like surounding mi. Still nid to wake up at 6.30 tml morning. No ish todae morning.

I didnt noe i'm such a weakling in taking stress. Or fighting the stress monster. i fail. I have been on the verge of breaking down. Yes to tat entend of fighting my self. hahas. interesting. Seems like life ish juz pushing mi more n more to the edge of life. The rim of the board. any moment into the sea feeding the cocodile. Juz like peter pan story. Or at the top of all the building, one more step to the bottom i lay flat crushing some ants underneath and coloring the floor wif wad u call a passionate color.ZI better find a way to overcome all tis if not. IMH ish juz welcoming mi wif open hand. Going CRAZY ani moment. Depression and more. I cant take it ani more. Or can i ? I wonder. should i test myself to the limit? or should i? humm.

Got to sleep now. Nitez. Dun worri. I will juz do wad they wan mi to do. I hear voices~ open ur heart. O ya i'm on ear piece wif westlife sing to mi. Chey. Nitez =)

like shit

2009-02-24T22:36:00.002+08:00

Totally like shit!
The whole dae at work nth seems to be right at all.
wad a great dea!

LIKE SHIT.
work stress, study stress.
told pajit. Soon he will visit mi in IMH de le.
Soon booking a bed.

Wonderful~

tired out

2009-02-22T23:26:00.002+08:00

*stare*
blankly across the room.
How white the wall looks. Good ish clean.
*stare*
blankly over the celling
How bright the light ish. Good dad paid electricity bill on time.
Totally blank. and ish much more relaxing tis way. i some how feel good tis way. Some times staring blankly help relax the mind. and ur soul. tml ish 23/2/09 ish actualli the due date but my tings ish not done to even 1/2 GREAT! tsk wad can i said ish nt easi.
Arh busy~ time ish some tin i dun hav. How come? where did all my time goes to. Tsk tsk. Shell sleep eaarlier. tml still got a long dae to go. Having body ache all over. Never had such before. dame, OLD LE. Shit.
Happi 10 mth old le. I always celebrate my birthdae everi mth once. hahas. -.- okay shouldnt cold here le.
Thanks Ireen for the chicken pie she bought for mi. So shy. Thank you thank you. Nites all le. =)

A mistake

2009-02-20T23:10:00.002+08:00

It has been since a long time i make such a mistake.
I realli didnt noe how to face mummi when i go to work todae.
How i wish i can juz dig a hole n hide my face but a mistake ish a mistake. I cant run from it. I can onli accept it and learn from it. Of all dae, why isst todae. T.T

Earli in the morning some one told mi a bad news. makes my heart drop down to the drain that i walked pass. The feeling was, super painful. I felt so unless, felt so hopeless and felt like the whole world ish ending on mi. I realli dunnoe how i should face the news tat was told to mi. But apart from keeping quiet and dying alone i cant do ani tin else. Plus i onli noe part of the news not the full version of it. SHIT. How i wish i noe more. But i guess some tin ish better not to noe too much. The more u noe, Might cause u more harm. emotionally hurt. =(

Not long after tat, my phone rang. yep, i same how recieved the call. Mummi called mi. And started asking mi abt some client check up. SHIT. I suddenly relised that i did the wrong tin. ish not juz a small mistake of missing out testes or wad. But the whole check up was wrong. A veri wrong mistake, Wrong package. sharks. Tat's it, My life ended~ felling down more than jus drain. Now CLIFF. if i could realli fell, i will. I reallli will. TSK.

afternoon went to work. My heart felt like stones stacking on it. tons n tons of it. I cant forgib myself of such big mistake. Mummi was already having headache trying to help mi solve my mistake. Shawn shawn, mummi and mi sat down and see wad we can do abt it. Sister already knew abt it. hav to, ish not a small shrimp. Than she went for meeting after tat mummi and shawn told her wad they hav think abt, the solution. I didnt hear much abt it as i am doing my work. In the end, i still not clear abt the solution but i noe. Sister wants mi to write a "love" letter to her. Although she didnt scold mi at all. Still i felt bad. there ish no excuess that even though i nv seen or done tat checkup before i should know tat we hav such checkups. My fault. Although the amt ish large but, i'm willing to bear the price.

Prem prem was nice, he asked mi do i nid ani help. And if i do, Juz let him noe. as it ish not a small amt. Thanks alot. to all of u. trying to figure out which ish the best way to help mi solve the problem and also try to make mi pay lesser. i noe tat they care for mi. Thank you! sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. Love~

One incident can make u see who ish ur fren. One mistake can make u understand how they care for u. i blessed to hav them and thanks sister for not scolding mi. But juz tell mi dun make the mistake agn. Thanks Dr Choo from saying nice words to sister abt mi. hahas. Tat's wad he claim. Thanks Dr Ho for being so cute and letting mi forget my worries for awhle.

Xiao yuan last dae todae. wish her all the best and jia you in her exam. she ish CUTE and SWEET.~ >.< I juz cant get enuf of her. hahas. Better finish up and sleep soon. Tml still have to work. Tsk.

Myself

2009-02-17T20:26:00.002+08:00

Been since a long time i realli sit down and write my blog.
Always write it in rush and didnt hav much time to realli write out my feeling.
Listening to song. My heart skipping to the beat. the feeling ish realli great.
Tis song, ish a fast n lifely one. Nice sweet. =)
Trying to learn the song. hahas.

Going for a 2 dae straight off. My mind juz circling thru wad i should be focusing on. But yet i dun hav the energy to do so. Ish realli hard, Essay juz not getting ani where. Better still, i should already noe whether m i in the right track but due to my stupiness, i forgot to attach file when senting my leacturer to check my introduction. Lucky when i sent it for lisa, i didnt forget. Tsk hav to wait for her reply. Took her 2 whole deas to see our essay, now i hav to wait another 2 more daes. But i guess i wont be waiting to see m i in the right track le. I shell juz go on. If i wan to die, I guess i'll choose a way to die a memorial way. at least i wont be forgotten by ppl. But i never believe that coz, Time will wipe away ur memories.

Dun believe? Try it out, Tink- when was the first time u ever cry and know that tis ish tears and only sadness will make u hav such reaction? I noe, u are telling mi i'm talking rubbish agn. hahas. Coz happines make ppl shear tears too. tsk tsk. -.- okay cut the crab out.

work was- OookAaaay. Tis few daes weather wasnt good at all. Been having thunder storm there. And hot like hell. Ani moment , if u are not careful, u might step on to the bome that ish buried on the SURFACE. U can see them. Juz u dunnoe how to avoid. Tsk tsk. Bless prem prem. Apart from that. work life seems fun wif mummi. No mummi no fun. apart from tat everi one seems like dangerous to mi. Aniway didnt hav much time to work extra ani more. Sad sad. Tat's the end of my locum world. tata T.T Sister told mi i look freash tis morning and said i mus hav slept well last night. Than roger asked mi wad happen to mi, hav i not been sleeping well. hahas. Intresting. I hav been sleeping at 1 am and waking up at 6 am. on mondae and best for todae i slept at 1 am and woke up 5 plus in the morning suddenly. Wad ish tat -.- 5 in the morning. Knowing tat u can sleep for another few more mins. o well. cant be help. I guess i should sleep earlier tonight and wake up earli in the morning ito do my tings. agreed, ^^V

Apart from tat, let see wad elsa to talk abt in my daes. no idea. Brain ish totally in a mess. wish not to talk to ani one. Tis few daes love to stare at a corner and than tat's it. soul gone mind gone. hahas. dunnoe duncare wad ish happening around mi. Juz let them take place and settle down. as long as i'm not the one effected directly, i guess i will be fine. I onli a human, some times i make mistake. yes. I do make mistake. But please, i'll learn from my mistake. now i realli feel like sleeping. o onli going 9 pm. let see. 8 hrs later will be 5 am in the morning. should i wake up at tat time? humm. good question. despite how much i dislike sleeping wif my hair all wet, i tink i shell. move to my bed. Dun hav the concentration to do ani tin. Nite everi one. Love- loved. Hugs. (>.<) nite nite (-.-)ZzzZZzz

Happi

2009-02-15T21:27:00.002+08:00

Happi. Realli happi for her.
Passed by her blog. N saw her post.
I feel veri veri veri happi for her, Finalli after so much so many daes n months and lot alot of gib n take. Finalli sometin happi happened to her.
Although some might tink tat it's juz a simple doll and flower. Although ish not big and expensive nor ani veri veri special tin. Still ish a veri simple blessing. some tin tat she has been realli looking forward for. I felt realli happi for her. No disappiontment. But a suprise. ^^ i'm happi, more happi for u than for myself. Mummi dun said i didnt care abt u. Juz u might not noe tat i'm always keeping and trying to keep myself update on wad's going around u. But juz i'm so caught up wif my work and study tat i didnt hav much personal timing too. tsk tsk. So sorri. I wish tat u enjoyed ur trip to Genting. ^^ Love u. I still do care abt u ^^.

happi valentine dae

2009-02-14T22:46:00.002+08:00

A veri happi valentine dae to everi one of u. Be it u hav or without a valentine, still i wish all of u to find ur true love and to be with the one u love. It can be ur friends, ur family or even ur work places ppl. Like how i spent my dae todae.

Todae was super happi. Maybe becoz of the ppl i'm working wif todae. Bought cakes over for them. ^^ and i didnt noe tat everi one was in aa light mood. ^^ good good. So i enjoyed my dae todae. Was complaining to my sis for the pass few daes, I will be spenting another flowerless valentine dae agn. last yr too spented a flowerless dae. To my shocking, aunty doris bought yellow rose for everi one. I was so happi. hahas. actualli dun ask mi why m i so happi. But i juz like flower. Like to the extand not to mus hav in all present but still i like flowers.

Although ish not my fav flower or color of rose. But still yellow ish nice. ^^ still the tots of giving the flower and the love felt ish good. I guess tat ish my one and onli val dae present. if u wan to count tat one chocolate tat shawn was giving out to everi one well than tat make it 2.^^ and mummi routine "milk" feed. Strawberry milk tea. Felt so love-ed, mummi was late becoz of my "milk" feed. thank you veri much. I finish it ^^.

Sch was hell. Lisa was telling mi ytd tat she wan to stop schooling le. But there ish no refund of money that was paid. so ish not worth at all. so she ask mi better to sent my essay for checking. so sent my life to hell. a/w for reply. So now no heart at all for essay but i hope can finish by wed. So work harder. JIA YOU JIA YOU le.

Tiredness

2009-02-07T09:01:00.003+08:00

Tiredness has over run mi.Cant seems to fight back the shadow of darkness that seems to fall upon mi. I mean my eyes lids are too heavy for mi to open up my eyes to see the beautiful dawn that i see everi dae when i work morning shift. Juz not for todae.

Premjit called @ 0832hrs. Woke mi up at when my phone started to play the melody. And then he goes. blah blah blah.... which i still cant get what he ish saying as i was still half asleep. Than i heard a loud voice from the background "Dun forces Urself if u nid to rest" hahas. That mus be lisa voice. Rejected premjit offers of working tis afternoon as someone ish on MC. Dare i'm realli too tired. I admit it. But i'm not defeated by it. Hahas. Bie said before, Rest ish to walk a longer road. It has got nth to do with giving up.

Essay still not coming through. I'm still stuck in the introduction and dunnoe how to go on. ish rather hard. Shati seems like keep on telling mi that handwashing ish not a good topic at all.But i hav done so much research and spent so much time on it. i realli dun wanna waste it. So even die i will stick to the topic. Juz nid more help and understanding i guess. Arhz.

O ya tat melody that i attached on the top ish call (RIVER FLOWS IN YOU) I find tat the melody flows like the memories that all of us had. Of coz u got ur version i got mine la. But a smooth sail, clam peaceful yet sorrow. There's a sense of sadness when i listen to it. The memories the happi the sad it all comes to an end. Wishing you all the best in future. Great music. Love it.

Harn nids hugs. Tis few daes seem like veri cold. I hav been on jacket at night. wif the thickness of my blanket still i'm wearing jacket. My family members, note ish memberS, have juz recover from cold. One after another, taking priton like sweet. Dam, and taking mi as doctor. Darn. kies la. I nid to study agn le.

in the darkness

2009-02-03T00:30:00.002+08:00

Every time after finishing class....
I feel like i'm lost in the total darkness. It makes mi think whether am i going in the right direction. But than even if i m going in a wrong direction i wont be able to turn back any more. Now all i hav to do ish get the other facts or points right. I had already get it started there ish no way m i going to waste all my research and start on ani other topic which i have no idea about.

Cant believe it, I'm actually feel tired. This few days seem like getting more n more tired. Didn't ever think that i actually fell asleep while using msn, this had never happen to me before. Darn, this really shows how tired i m. But i'm still not giving up locum slots. Lisa had verbalised to me that she feels really tired and that she has already given up her locum slot on Friday. Ish just too bad tat i am working morning shift that day. If not i might have take tat slot too. Cant help it, although ish tiring to juggle work and study, still i need to work extra hard for better pay. Need the money for study.

Didn't know i can still take that blow of words from her. Ever since tat day, we had been in cold term. Not like before, maybe to other people i still play still talk. But when it come to her, i just ask or talk whatever tat ish related to work and nothing else. I dun wish to talk too much, still i greet her, still i call her, still i will care about her. But not as much as before any more. I dun wan to irritates her. And no more than that. I still need to work with her, i can't choose who my team member ish, so i just do my part. That's all. Life ish tough trying to do tis n tat.

When nothing goes the way you wants it to be, You just have to change your direction to suit the way things are going. Make life easier and more simple. For me, i just want to have a quiet life. A simple and quiet life. Mum told mi, i'm a boring person Who doesnt have much dreams or wishes. Who doesnt fight with other ppl. The onli thing i m good at ish, stay stubborn. That ish the only point tat keeps me going and keeping my stay alive and moving forward in my life. tsk tsk.

Tired already, Harn going sleep le. Nitez all. sweet dream. *Hugs*

Right into the heart

2009-01-29T21:50:00.002+08:00

" Sheau Harn you realli... irritates mi, I realli cannot tahan already. U are!"
I nv noe such words can come right thru someone mouth directly face to face to mi. Tears i hold-ed back. Since the veri eari morning. Till now while typing while trying to control. My hearts hurts in a million. Now i know, no feedback no improvement right. SUch harsh words from some one mouth. some one u face daily, some one who u work wif. Dame ish hurtful. I didnt know tat i'm been such a nuisances to her. Now i noe, now i understand, from now on. i shell juz keep my mouth shut. ZIP. maybe i noe too much of tings tat my head ish getting bigger. Or maybe i'm getting proud. Or maybe i suggested too much. Okay i shell not ani more. SHUT UP HARN! yes SHUT UP. now i will close. No more. i'll onli open to ppl tat i nid. I will juz work n no talk. I will be quiet. if tat ish wad u wan FINE.

If u tink tat u r good. think abt it agn. Ish juz ppl are too nice to tell u. I thank you for telling mi. I will make my correction and will not irritated u ani more nor ani one. I shell not n will not. Okay. tis ish wad u hav told mi. So okay. Maybe u should hav put it in a better way. I dun care u mean it anot. I will always rmb tat u hurt mi. One mus forgib BUT not forget. I thank you for ur lesson learned. noted and will make changes to it. I will not forget wad u hav done to mi.

Cold n heartless ish wad u make mi more to be. GREAT!

CNY 2009

2009-01-27T15:12:00.003+08:00

Happi new year to all. Realli ish a "nui" year tis year. humm.
Blessed that it did not land on weekdae than follow by week ends like last year. as my job doesnt allow mi to have public holidaes on CNY like other jobs does. And landing it self on a weekdae follow by weekends means we are the onli choice left for ppl to visit us. Phew ^^ so wif this blessed year, we dun hav to work double on CNY ^^ yeah. But ish for all the chinese onli. So i hav to specially thanks my other colleages tat ish working double so as to allow us to hav a rest on either 1st dae of the new year or 2nd dae of new year. And also allowing us not to work double shift as they will be the one doing so. Poor ting.

felt abit older le. Going to be 22 tis year le. Wish i dun hav to face tat dae. Growing up ish not tat bad. But still i tink i like 21 more. hahas. it shows the youngness and also a touch of the grow up in a person. For ppl who ish younger than mi, Treasure ur daes T.T coz soon u will face the same fate as i do. Than for ppl who are older than mi. well I'm coming. hahas. old le old le. no longer can said i'm underage le. But still when they talk abt some tin when i go blur they will juz said, oei there ish an underage here la. -.-

Nth much to talk abt oso. been trying to work on my essay. Seem like i'm not going veri in the correct direction. all the reseach i hav done ish not to waste but i nid more than tat. Seem like i let of a subject to focus my topic to it. Got to find my way. ish not easy wif my sub standard english. scoring onli a c6 in 'o' level. i tink i'm juz banging my head against the way. Going opposite of the current. tsk tsk. Hey ish new yr i should tink in a -ve direction. But i juz cant help it. tsk tsk. Lucky ish tat i hav alot of other help. Thanks to ppl, who are there for my. Sr kee even dig all her notes out for mi. whether it ish useful a not i still haven go thru. But the effort ish realli.... THANK YOU VERI MUCH. ^^ I did recieve alot of help from other ppl too. But i noe i'll hav to ask, open my mouth to ask and said tat i nid help. I rmb some one tell mi, dun always "hug" all the job to ur self. U will juz tired urself. Tat was when i was working. Now i learn coz you can nv do everi tin by urself. And if u contiune to be like tat u, ppl will take u for granted and they noe u will do. So they juz wait for u to do lor. correct a not. Why so stupid le?? Thanks to tat person, i'm much better although at times i'm still like tat but still i noe my limit le. I'm not wonder women nor superhero and they get more pay than i do so why do i hav to work double harder than they do. O ya coz i'm junior but tat's not the point. so we work. No matter u are older or younger. In terms of experiences, ago and ani others, we work as a team.

kies la kies la. Let mi take tis chance to wish all hav a good year. O ya recieved tis msg of greeting in direct translation from chinese to english so i here by wish all: wish all
Horse Arrive Work Done
Step Step High Rise
Year Year Got Fish
One Road Smooth Wind
Heart Think Work Done
Dragon Horse Sperm God
Gong Xi Fa Cai ^^
n Rmb to love harn more. hahas. Hugs.

my own book

2009-01-21T01:19:00.002+08:00

welcome. =)
I gave up waiting n tinking n changing n not making up my mind.
I gave in. I choose to take the chance of having some brand tat i didnt realli go and do research on. I dunnoe if tis will work well formi But i hope it does. Some how i wish it will last as long as it will be able to sever mi ^^.
LENOVO S10. (red)
will update more abt it ^^

Nitez all.

CNY

2009-01-18T22:55:00.005+08:00

It's has been since a long time.
When was the last time i set my hands and brain into the kitchen.
Baking...

So wad did i play in my kitchen todae. As we all noe Chinese new year ish around the corner soon so you should hav guess that it mus be some tin to do wif new year. It ish always for sure related to the "big dae" tat will be coming on. Looked thru the net for a few daes. ( actualli juz ytd onli) Read thru some of the pages and than self created my own way again. No wonder nth comes out right for my baking. It nv did come out the way it was said to be. But a veri stable taste from my baking. The eggy taste nv did goes away no matter wad i baked. Tsk.. ish not well done but all n for all i did my best. used 4 hrs to do all tis. But result ish. "It ish almost as hard as stone"- Fish & Hao 2009. Yes tis ish wad they said to my PINEAPPLE TART. And i shouldnt be calling at tart, ehh should be cookies or biscuits. Tsk tsk. ish not tat i wanted. Actualli i m rather confused by wad should be used. But than at times, working at out urself ish more enjoyable. Below are some of the pics for u to see. I did my best. First timer. Dun blame mi dun scold, Gib encouragment. if not i wont be baking agn. *cries*

tired out after all the baking. Ish not tat bad but still "STONE"ish not realli alot le. but still i guess ish rather fun at times. I did enjoy myself. some times for hobbies u hav to pay abit of price. But i enjoyed tis. ^^
Eyes closing le. Nitez all. Loves. ^^ hugs*

Gone case

2009-01-15T00:06:00.002+08:00

Skipped. todae class. i totally hav no heart to go for class. Why?
> I cant understand wad she wans.
> I cant understand wad should be done.
>I forgot to bring my heart out.
> i dun tink i hav my brain wif mi, I mus hav drop it some where.
> Lazy ass.
> I cant get wad i wanted STAT.

In another words i m or might be a gone case. Tsk Tsk. totally depressed. Now i realli hate myself for not able to improve my English. Despite knowing tat it ish a veri important language i didnt do it properly in my primary and secondary education level. Now i guess the onli ting i can do ish hug my head and cry. Tsk tsk. Although i know it doesn't help in an sense, but still i cant help feeling sad. *sigh* juz the start already sounds like giving up. There goes all the other fighting sprite le. wonder how will i m able to make it. For the time being let mi stay low, at the bottom of the deep blue sea where spongebob lives. No idea how i'll be able to make it. But i noe i HAVE TO. Ish not i wish i can or i try my best but a firm I HAVE TO. make it. I HAVE TO. I gib u my words. But now let mi T.T first bah. Study ish like war to mi. Or preparing for one. argz. I hate war. WOrld PEACE.

Mummi ish bk from her trip todae. Chatted on the phone wif her. she sounded so refreshing. Good for her. She still got one more dae before coming to work too. Complained to her abt my =( during work n also told her abt the complaint letter. Than she told mi abt wad she and daddy did in KL. They enjoyed themselves. ^^ good for them. ^^ She help mi bought my socks le. ^^ happi. i finalli got socks le. yeah.

=( tsk tsk. i cant seems to find ani tin to cheer mi up. Notes sitting infront of mi yet i feel so far from them. I nv felt so before. Last time, i dun remember all the points or infro from the notes but at least i understand. Now, i'm juz lost and cannot be found. i noe i nid time. argz. why m i so stupid. ARHZ. Harn ar. Jia you ar. i realli nid to get my heart bk le. STudy study study~ Tsk tsk. juz for tis week... Juz let mi be. =(

=.=

2009-01-13T23:59:00.002+08:00

Class. started. Degree course~ a step started. Tsk Tsk.

Ytd was the veri first class for mi to attend. How should i said it. Totally lost in space. I see stars. ******** Full of question mark. One word came into my mind. RIP~

Ytd was morning shift finish work at 1430hrs but yet due to some tin and as usual mondae blue tings always happen tat veri dae. So lisa got a complaint case from Some stupid doc. So hav to stay back to help find some details. Helped, cant bear to juz leave her die alone -.- . Sr went for meeting till 1645hrs than came back to the dept. So Left dept at 1700hrs. Took a cab home due to already late as class start at 1900hrs. Lisa miss her nap and i too miss my rest. >.< we are both super tired. believe it or not we both late for work ytd morning. Eikz. hahas.

So during class, as usual lisa ish punctually late. Nth much was going on todae juz choosing of topic for project than got to noe when and wad ish our assessment and when ish the due date. My goodness. I tink i cant juz go n dig my own grave. A 2000 words essay. Some more must do referencing. Gosh, and nid to sent the first part to our lecturer in feb. 5th week of our class. darn~ i nid a computer as mine already sick n old n tired of living. So Spider has been moving in and soon i guess maybe my bro will become spiderman as he sleeps in tis room -.- god noes. Ani way tat's not the main point. The point ish i nid a com and i've been working hard. Hopefully be able to get one wif the locum money tat i hav tried my best to earn. I'm still trying to earn more to cover my expenses. Eee PC 1000H ~ aim n target.

Looked thru the notes tat was given. I dun mean everi tin. Onli the front few pages. Than stuck at the reading materials. I guess, i'll be camping at the national library more n more le. I hav to work double and extra harder compare to others. Not becoz i wan to score well. But becoz i m veri poor in english and study, I nid alot more time to be able to understand one lesson. tsk tsk. Sch life + work life. And i wan to take up another learning course. My driving! eikz. Hope i can cope wif everi tin tat ,will be, ish happen.

Been having dry skin on my hand for the past few daes. It dry till it actualli cracks. And when i put lotion moisture the skin. It Hurts! My right hand ish red -.- i wonder wad make it so dry. I didnt do ani tin to it and i had been putting lotion. Hump~ tis ish bad u noe. Should end here le. been a long post. Kies le. Nights all and hugs. (^.^) Sweet dreamz.

Agn

2009-01-09T23:06:00.002+08:00

Tis ish the 2nd time such case actualli happen to mi le. Althought you dun realli call tis molest but some how it still create an unpleasant memories in my life. Old uncles. Eiks n Eee to them. i tink apart from my own father, the rest of them =( Such cases happen in my life. I cant believe it to tink tat. Hello look at mi, Pls la uncle find a better one and a nicer one la. Stupid old man. Dun tink fat one will be easier to eat okay. High in cholesterol and not good for ur heart. Will get heart blockage. idiots.

Todae was okay. Juz feel lonely and left out thru out the whole ting. maybe i'm not as talkative ish the rest of them nor m i as active as the rest of them. Towards in a group, i'm more quiet bah. Actualli i juz wish someone to be wif mi. To company mi. But than i guess i should be use to being alone. After bidding byes to them while walking down bencooler street i cant help but to tink how lonely one person can get. Than tink abt why i always said i'm okay being alone and i use to being lonely? Than i noe. no one likes to be alone and no one love to be lonely. Ish juz a form of an wei to ourself. Telling ownself to stay strong. Now i noe, no ones like to be alone including mi. But being in a group still i feel my lonelness. If such a case i rather be alone and feel lonely than being in a gropu and still feel the same. In the end i juz wish tat i hav some one i can talk to, some one i can play wif. Some one who case abt mi. Some one who noes how to hold mi in his arm and gib mi the warmness. Some one. Where ish my someone. Aiz aiz. Forget it.

Dun wan to type on le. If not there ish more darkness to pour into tis page. Tsk tSk. =( Usagi Chng. Lonely~

Love

2009-01-08T23:32:00.002+08:00

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
(I like tis line, how true. It always goes like tat)
Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.
(Tis cant be done. I juz cant hold bk my tears T.T)
What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?
(I cant do ani tin~ i can onli cry and luff at the same time. It always happen)
Actions speak louder than words.
( yeah 100% but than and again words are hurtful too.)
The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.
(I dun tink so. I'm totally okay wif tat. I will juz gib my blessing to tat couple^^)
Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.
(Looking bk ish not tat bad, But rmb to get up and move on.)
Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.
(Life ish short? at times i find mine too long~)
Some people make the world special by just being in it.
(Yes! totally into tis words)
When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.
(I realli wish i cant look beside, but my beside ish onli my doggie. =( well ish better than nth )
Don't frown, you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
( =)smile, i do love ppl smile more than they cry. hahas.)
Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
(Ya correct it has to be okay if not there will always be a ??)
If u love something...let it go.
If it comes back to you its yours....
If it doesn't then it never was.
(Tis ish wad i did. But tis ish not wad all ppl tink coz sumtime, sumtin if u juz let it go, it will nv come bk again.)

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Todae seem like not a veri good dae for the morning shift ppl. Coz i saw aunty doris cry. My my. some ting such upset her but i dunnoe wad. hush hush~
work ish okay for mi ^^ i'm still alive. Shark i didnt see the time already 12 le. gosh i'm working tml morning. esk... i still got my tings haven pack. o dear tml still nid to work extra hard. thank god we got may coming to help in the morning shift if not i'll be digging my own grave yard. Bless mi >.<
Better faster end and go sleep le. darn. nite all. Hugs.

another dae

2009-01-06T00:18:00.002+08:00

Baked. So here are some of the comment from ppl who tried.
*Not sweet enough.
*Not enough butter.
*Jus nice not too sweet.
*Wah, if onli i can bake.
*Wah, u noe how to bake ar.
*Not bad.
From all tis, i'll make sure i bake a better cake. Was tinking maybe i should start trainning and by june i will be able to bake a perfect one and hopefully to even coat it wif chocolates fudge. Tat's mummi fav. She onli eat tat. Tat's wad she said.

Wad going on this few daes?
Lots of complaint letter coming in. Hav no idea why ish tis happening but than and again. Wad's new? Mummi said i'm more n more notti But than and again i'm getting more n more of her doing. Tsk tsk. i should go and reflect myself and realli tink before i start saying ani tin. ish not nice u noe. Cant seem to be using my brain. Tsk tsk, than and again do i hav one? I wonder? Humm. Eiks.

Suffered from headache tis evening wasnt veri aware why ish tis happening. Might be i slept too much? Gosh, there ish nv too much for mi. Tis afternoon was rainning heavily and mummi said it was rainning cats and dogs. So asked shawn wad he wans. A cat or a Dog in the end he said he wans a rabbit. I gib him a =.= look and ignored him. Work was okay wif lisa, fiona premjit and mummi. Mummi was to do paper work. Had dinner wif her in the staff pantry. ^^ happi. Noe tat she ish hungry but waited for mi to eat tgt =) so i'm not alone for din din. ish veri lonely to eat alone.
Todae Blog juz some random rants here and there. Lifes goes on. anther dae another year. Before u noe u might be too late to do some tin already. For ex: Playing see-saw. >.< tsk tsk. Dunnoe how will my road be. Worri worri. I juz cant stay positive when i tink abt the economy. Ish been getting bad lately. Tsk tsk.* shake head*

Late le. tml still morning shift. Nite nite le. Hugs. *shaking head* tsk tsk. thou shell not look back but thou ish too scare to look infront. Usagi Hops on. & on. =(

Shawn's bd

2009-01-03T21:21:00.006+08:00

Todae celebrated an early birthdae for shawn shawn ^^ He's actual date ish tomorrow but due to his off dae ish also tml so we did it todae. It was actualli mi who wanted to do so. last year i miss the chance but not tis year ani more. ^^ So mah ^^ A veri haPpi BiRthDaE to Him No longer can he keep said he ish boi boi lo. Hav to grow le. 3 dollar no more change le. Like mi no more 2 dollar le. Need more than tat le.

If u wan to noe how old shawn ish, well u hav to start counting the candles on the cake itself. I'm not going to tell u how old ish he le ^^ hahas. Yes i did make sure tat i put the correct number of candle onto the cake. Dun worri i didnt miss ani one of them at all. ^^ Wif Xiao yuan help, we manage to light up all the candle before the ice cream cake melt. ^^ and sang Bdae song for him ^^.

Cake cutting after the song and candles out. It has melted to the sense of JUS NICE ^^ for cutting. well done. Wad elsa was there for the staff to eat. They ordered pizza and shawn ordered KFC for the staff too. Ish a Feast. hahas. for my darling LISA. non stop eating to her. ai yo.

So Whose bdae coming next in our line. My darling one ish the next lo. 20th april. Than my mummi one 23 june. than will be fiona one. the veri last one lo nov 22 (if i'm not wrong) >.< Hummp. Need to start tinking about how to do mummi bdae le. hav to hav a good idea. Her's still long and i can save some money first before carrying it out. Hummp. wad le wad le. hahas. cant wait for it. Lisa one mah. hummp. she ish always happi de lo. ^^ as long as there ish food. One word. ish not all ppl de bdae i hav to celebrate wif them. ish onli more of the i m closer wif de ppl than will i be so on for them okay. so dun tell mi when ur bdae ish. If i got the heart i will go n find out or i will ask u straight de. Dun nid keep telling mi u wan take off on ur bdae de. I'm not interested or should i said go ahead. I oso will take off on my bdae de. Funni ppl. Sharke i should start to be good gal le. Okay no commen. =P

Still Harn love celebrating other ppl bdae wif them, coz Harn hope tat on tat veri special dae it make that person feel special, to be here in tis world, tat Harn ish here too. hahas. Harn rmbs ur dae, the veri dae tat u r born n Harn like to thank ur mum for giving birth to you coz u are here, makes a different to Harn life. Hugs ^^V

HFMD

2008-12-30T21:51:00.003+08:00

I cant believe it. i was given 2 daes MC. dam. Yes i'm down wif disease. Can u believe it. I who seldom sick n always well ISH down. I cant believe it. last 2 dae of 2008 i'm down. I felt sorri for my dept. why m i down >.< i dun wan to but when the doc sent u home they sure hab their reason.

Dx: HFMD

MC 2 daes.

Symptoms: Red spots on my hand.

Such disease usually happen in children yet such a big gal like mi got it. darn. i cant believe it. but o well wad can i do. the onli ting i guess ish not to contaminate my family member bah. humm. i wan faster recover n go bk to work.

eiks. All others pls take care and stay far far away from harn. she nid to be isolated. =X

2008

2008-12-28T21:40:00.002+08:00

3 more daes.

To the end of 2008.

3 more daes.

To the start of 2009.

The ending of a year and the starting of another. It seems like a nv ending. Daes keeps goes on. round n round. An end and a start.

Hoping for a better. a better next year. Than and again nv forget wad has taken place tis years and recalling how we wish for a better nx year on 2007. So did i hav a better 2008? Did u?

I sure did ^^ although there are unhappi events but yet becoz of the unhappiness it some how spiced up my life. There ish no smooth road in life. Ups n Downs. Bumps everiway. Onli by falling down can u learn to stand up and grow from experiences. But without all the happiness u cant realli hav the courage to walk thru all the sadness. right ^^. maybe not to u but to mi it ish. Looking back at all the tings tat happen. Let mi rate it overall i will gib it a thumb up. Coz I grow-ed. And happi memories are more than sad ones. Tis year seems to be longer than other years tat i had passed. felt abit older le. moving on to nx years another yr older le. Can not longer act kid le. mus grow up le. mus mature le.

No idea wad ish my feeling right now. looking forward or not. hahas. but next year, see how i'm going to struggle to work and study and oso to get wad i should hav got tis yr. And possible i wan to work some double shift for extra money too. HUMP~

>.< eiks. kies le. take care le. tis few daes will oso be updating my post coz ish the end of the year le. nid do closing le. hahas. nitez all. Hugs (>.<)

curse

2008-12-27T23:26:00.001+08:00

cursed~ survived~

Lemon and sugar

2008-12-25T23:21:00.003+08:00

LEMONS and SUGAR

This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror
where one could read it every day.
You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

1. There are at least two people in this world
that you would die for.
( Humm.. let see, i would hav die for alot of ppl if i where to be given a choice. O ya it said at least!)
2. At least 15 people in this world
love you in some way.
(i'm not so sure abt tis but than i noe for my family i already hav 4, than my godparent. My frens and the one who cares abt mi. including U who are visiting and looking at tis posts of mine. Well i thank you for being part of the 15 ppl tat love mi ^^)
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you
is because they want to be just like you.
(i dun tink ani one would wans to be like mi. eiks.)
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone,
even if they don't like you.
(well. tat ish not realli true. The person tat dun like u will feel Eee when he/she actualli smile at you. How do i noe? Hey i onli human. of coz i know.)
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you
before they go to sleep.
(Humm. Do u tink abt mi when u sleep?? Hahas. But i tink abt nx dae work when i sleep. Opps working freak. said tat. I hav been working hard. Call mi bumper~ bumper bee~ COLD~)
6. You mean the world to some one.
(A WORLD? U mus be joking mi. I onli a small char in a big world.)
7. You are special and unique.
(erh. i would said everi one ish. in another word, no one ish special)
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
(ern. if u dunnoe how do u noe tat they love u?? But thanks to tat stranger. STRANGER~ ish another fren of urs but u haven met yet. ish juz not the time?)
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever,
something good comes from it.
(tell mi abt tat. gosh. it doesnt always work tis way. how i wish it did or it does. But wad i m, i cant affort to make a mistake. Ish ppl life i m handling.)
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you
take another look.
( and u will see tat~ ya ish true the world juz did turn their back on u?hahas. Ya and u are left there standing alone. LOL)
11. Always remember the compliments you received.
Forget about the rude remarks.
( tat ish the easier sentence to said but hardest to do. u juz cant help it when such tings happen. Trust mi i noe wad the feeling of tat. ish HARD)

Hey ish should be +ve in the end it turn out to be a few of -ve here and there. O well. let see more.The below one i wont said ani more. coz i guess ish rather true to wad i would wan to hav and who like to be too.

always remember.....
when life hands you Lemons,
ask for Sugar and call me over!

Good friends are like stars..
You don't always see them,
But you know they are always there.

'Whenever some one Closes One Door some one else Always Opens Another, Even Though
Sometimes It's Hell in the Hallway'

I would rather have one rose and a kind word
from a friend while I'm here
than a whole truckload when I'm gone.

and last but not least, pls keep tis words in mind. i would hav said it face to face to u if i can or if i may. But i'm a veri shy gal. i dun said my feeling out to u. i'm not tat open >.< Shy la shy la. But from the bottom of my heart.

Happiness keeps You Sweet ,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Life keeps You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only
Love keeps You Going

And to end tis post. i wan to said. Good nite sweet dream and I LOVE YOU. I mean it. Love to have u in my life. Passing and walking thru my life. Thank you! Harn ish happi to hav u and hope tat you are happi to hav harn too. it apply to everi one! and i m tink of u.

xmas

2008-12-25T00:35:00.002+08:00

Finalli ish xmas. A dae for giving and thanking ppl. wishing and greeting ppl. I bought 30 muffin and wrapped them 24 chocolates wrapped up and than all gone by the end of the shift. some got more stuff some juz got muffin. But it was fun n exciting to gib present away to ppl. No matter wad had happen or wad i will be doing nx still i wont hold ani hatred towards ani one todae coz it ish xmas. Time of forgib. But tat doesnt mean i didnt learn my lesson to stand on my stand and stay strong.

。 ° • 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛
。° 。 ° 。˚ ˛ • ˚ ˚ ˛
MeRRY 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • •
。CHRiSTMAS 。。° 。 ° ˛ ˚ ˛
_Π___＿。 ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •˛ •˚
/____＿/ ＼。˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •˛ •˚
｜田田｜門｜ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
Merry Christmas and a happy New Year ˚ ˚

Lisa told mi it wll be the veri last outting before we start sch. But than i cant help it. I dun wan or should i said stop being taken advantage of. it has been veri unfair to mi and i realli cannot take it ani more. Why do ppl always tink abt themselves before they start tinking abt others. And why do i hav to always help ppl tink before i tink for myself? Why do i hav to be the stupid one? tat's wad mi dad tell mi. Becoz u are stupid. Tat's why u keep help ppl tink. than wad do u get in the end? being taken for granted. Hello i m not there for u to do wadever u wan. Pls repect mi. I m a human too. from now on i m going to move back to wad i use to be. less chatting and work than home. No more fren fren no more being taken advantage of. i felt so irritated. Ren hao bu shi ge ni qi fu de. Ish so selfish. I hate it. >.<

Aiz. Tis few daes wasnt veri in mood. Jus noe tat xmas ish different from all the years tat i hav passed. But still i love xmas. ish so cold whole dae thru. Tml working hard. Sleepy already wish all happi xmas may u hav a good year ahead too. Thanks bie for such a nice yet sad xmas song.

When xmas comes to town- polar express

I'm wishing on a star
And trying to believe
That even though it's far
He'll find me Christmas Eve

I guess that Santa's busy
Cause he's never come around
I think of him
When Christmas Comes to Town

The best time of the year
When everyone comes home
With all this Christmas cheer
It's hard to be alone

Putting up the Christmas tree
With friends who come around
It's so much fun
When Christmas Comes to Town

Presents for the children
Wrapped in red and green
All the things I've heard about
But never really seen

No one will be sleeping on
The night of Christmas Eve
Hoping Santa's on his way

[Repeat previous two paragraphs]

When Santa's sleigh bells ring
I listen all around
The herald angels sing
I never hear a sound

When all the dreams of children
Once lost will all be found
That's all I want
When Christmas Comes to Town

That's all I want
When Christmas Comes to Town

the one u love

2008-12-22T22:58:00.002+08:00

Some pop up from a fren msn chat to mi suddenly appeared. And it talk abt choosing to be wif the one u love or the one tat love u. He, without waiting for my answer, answered it for mi. Choosing to be wif the one you love. But i would realli love to tell him tat for mi i want to be wif the one tat i love and the one tat love mi. I dun wan juz a one side love. I realli would like it to be a full rounded love.

Tinking abt wad has happen and the things tat had taken place. I hav a wonderful sept. But than and agn. I do hav a veri hard time. Knowing how i feels i noe i cant drag on with tis kind of suitation. Things are getting out of hand and out of place. Dragging on to someone good, i m not worth for it and already attached to one.

Bie bie and mi walked thru alot. From the first month we are tgt. How he hurt mi, how he was unsure of such relationship. How he has not put in his love his feeling for mi. To how has he start love mi. Start to put in more effort. and alot more. How much i feels hurt, how he always talk without brain. How i scolded him like a tree log. Still he ish such insensetive guy. aiz. He changed alot for mi. His patience for mi nv seems to run dry. Can i not go back to him. I cant. i hav to be wif him. Ish juz not right to let go of some one tat hav been wif mi tgt for the pass 2 years. who see mi grow. change mi and taught mi how to love. I over grow him. Maybe becoz i m a gal, i tends to be more sensetive so i grow faster. It ish true tat when we first started no one tink tat we will last long. But tis ish not fated. Tis ish hard work. wif tears and sorrow. wif happiness and bitterness. But when he ish not here than did i noe. Nth ish more impt than having him juz wif mi. Tis ish all my feeling. Ish my side. than and again. love cannot be measured. So weather how much he love mi i dunnoe. and how much other will love mi i oso wont noe. But at least i noe he does care. and i'm happi enuf.

In the end. I choose to be wif the one i love and hope he will love mi. In the end. U are right, i choose to be wif the one i love. and i hope some dae i can choose to be wif the one tat love mi. still i hope tat the person ish him. still life goes on. wif or without i hav to live on. Till than. love to mi ish still a mystery and i m still learning to love to show love and to be love. But i'm happi to said i had been loved. By you and alot of other ppl.

22/12/08- harn ish 8 mth old. and tis 21 yrs of life, harn had been loved.~ harn ish happi. harn grow. harn moved on. =)

LOl

2008-12-20T08:43:00.004+08:00

Suffered from heart attack ytd or isst tis morning i cant realli rmb le. Didnt noe wad to said and wad to do. I guess i realli should if i realli like tat person and realli being good for tat person. i should not let him suffer. So let go bah.

Tings tat i tot are going on well and doing fine wasnt wad i tink it should be. I tot after 2 mth of cooling away, we can still be fren. but than now i noe u prove mi wrong. i see how much you are suffering juz being fren wif mi. I see ur point and understand ur question. Making you choose a road of suffering ish not wad i wanted. I shell not do should tings ani more. I'm sorri for keep on putting u in a grey zone. For making you tink tat we still hav chances. We hav no chances of being too tgt. You are too good for mi and i m not suitable for u. And i love him. Yes i realli do.

Onli slept at 4 am and tis morning woke up at 8 plus darn. how can i not be panda. and best of all i still haven finish studying. dam. how am i going to pass my test. i hope they juz gib the question i noe how to answer. >.< My heart feels wif shiokness when i saw tis. I juz cant help it. Veins and blood. Shiok ar. ps ps. Work sickness. tat tings was CUTE~ Realli CUTE. and it touches my head. wahahaa.

Gosh late le late le. wish mi luck for my exam. Arr~ i still haven finish at all. Love all. eiks.~

works

2008-12-18T09:12:00.002+08:00

My goodness i hav been so use to going to work everi dae and staying back after work to chit chat wif my afternoon shift staff tat when i'm not going work or at the work place i felt so not use to it. My god. resting and having off seems fun but yet i'm so not use >.< tis few weeks n months had been working extra hard. in work place everi dae u will get a sight of mi be it morning afternoon or night. nah not tat i m working tat hard tat doubling everidae but still, maybe ish becoz we hav onli tat small amt of staff tat's why no matter on which dae all the staff are all the same. hahas.

noe i nid some rest from work de le. shouldnt over work myself. working ish fun and being tgt wif the ppl u like and work together ish fun fun x2 hahas. But being able to hav quailty time to spent wif your love one are also veri impt. looking thru my weeks i haven been spent alot of time wif my love one. =) smile. i shell not waste time. and treasure the one i hav ^^ i love you ^^ and i always will ^^

Hugs* everione.

E-rm

2008-12-16T23:43:00.002+08:00

Todae was a veri busy dae. actualli it was realli okay till the ambulance came. It was a veri serious case. should not said much but Pls rest in peace. Todae ish alot of my first time. My first time to mortuary. to use the bed to fetch patient wif mummy. hahas. And others tings tat i cant said much. A good experiences for mi. =) however after tis experience i realli feel like leaving tis hospital for the benefit of myself n oso my future. Tings here at times are happening too slowly.

Spoken wif lisa. we both feels tat we realli should leave tis place. n get more experiences out side. However. there are tings tat we grow so fond of. People here the life here and also the locum here. the time wise ish oso the best compard to other places. Now might be still too earli to tink abt it, but soon veri fast time will pass and it will reach a point to make decision. aiz aiz. i realli dunnoe. i love mummy n i love everi here there. they are all so nice n friendly. working wif them has always been ^^ wonderful. maybe except for one to 2 staff. but the rest are so good. >.< realli dun wan to leave them but than my future? how? aiz aiz. maybe i shouldnt tink abt tis now. i shell juz enjoy my time first ^^ rite? =)

o ya todae ellainne bought mi a sandwich ware. ^^ ish orange color de. ^^ nice nice. ish her xmas present for mi ^^ and soon i'm on my look out for xmas present for all of them. ern maybe not all but still all of them. ppl tat i'm not tat close i will get them chocolates. ppl i m close wif will get other tings ^^ shopping time. ish a season for giving ^^. Juz hope tat they will like the tings i got for them. ^^

when ppl in ur work place are friendly and nice. when you love ur job n work place. your life seem so much happier n easier to live on. I'm happi tat i actualli enter and hav such a great work place and colleagues. =) Treat ppl the way you wan them to treat you. Tis words are always veri true. O ya thanks xiao yuan for bring the photos for us, thanks ellainne for bring the photos for us. ^^ thanks aunty doris for the "butterfly" breakfast. Thanks mummy for the cakey. ^^ thanks all others tat make my dae wonderful and happi. n oso tiring. Thanks lisa for working double wif mi ^^ hahas.

Last but not least, thanks for reading all my rants n rubbish it means tat u care abt wad's happening to mi hahas. nites everi one =) love all. *Hugs* (>,")> <(",<)

maybe they call tis love

2008-12-15T12:18:00.001+08:00

If u hav the chance or time. Go listen to tis song. in english. Sore Ga, ai deshou sang by ruka. ish NICE.

LYRICS (Do not reuse these without Pat McCarthy's permission):
I see you standing close to me
You smile without a care
But even when you're here
I wander through my heart's despair

My happiness and circumstance
Can also bring me pain
I try to understand
But it feels like nothing seems to change

When fallen rain starts glistening
I'll see the rainbow shimmering
And now, you offer out your hand
And everything is clear to me

All because you're here with me,
All because you help me see,
All because the world was made for us to meet, it's destiny
I understand
There's a reason here in my heart
And maybe they call this love
Even if the sky should fall
I will never run 'cause you can see me through it all
And now I can find it it in your gentle gaze
All the meaning building up this happiness
When I turn to watch you smiling

Though words can be so comforting
I don't know what to say
I wish that I could speak
And tell you what I feel today

As days go by and seasons change,
It seems that nothing stays the same
But still, we can't regret the past
'Cause memories have all been made

Everything you said to me,
Everything that I believe
Every little thing has brought us close together, can't you see?
I understand, there's a reason here in my heart
And maybe they call this love
Doesn't matter what they say
Have a little faith, tomorrow can be found today
And tears aren't the answer 'cause we'll be okay
Take my hand and you can reach this happiness
When we walk this path together

Through the sadness
Through the sorrow
Through the teardrops, the hurt, and the pain
Take a little time, I believe you'll find our world can change
I think that's why they call it love

All because you're here with me,
All because you help me see,
All because the world was made for us to meet, it's destiny
I understand
There's a reason here in my heart
And maybe they call this love
Even if the sky should fall
I will never run 'cause you can see me through it all
And now I can find it it in your gentle gaze
All the meaning building up this happiness
When I turn to watch you smiling

D&D

2008-12-14T00:34:00.005+08:00

It was a super rush ting. Working afternoon shift than wait for the night shift ppl to come n take over ur shift. ish oso a veri tiring ting for the night shift ppl as they all hav to start earlier n they dun end eariler u noe. aiz aiz.

D&D was okay i would said. Took alot of pics. but still i look ugly. Fiona help mi to put some color on my face. i guess it was a mus to hav some color draw on. felt like art paper. Like the way i color my dango when i draw they on my drawing paper. Ai yo. I nv did make up before so it was a " I DUNNOE HOW TO DO" tingy.

wanted to put some photos up. but i'm too ugly to be on. But than and again. who cares. ish my blog. hahas. ish too much to be put up. so i shell choose some of them to put up. ern. It was mummi(stasia) first time to D&D ^^ yeah. so manage to take some pics wif her ^^ happi happi. apart from tat sisnt hav much chances to take wif aunty doris n all. =( Jus a few pics to share coz ish realli too much to put all up. =) Lets start wif a group pic ^^

Left to right ( shawn, angela, mi^^,fiona,stasia,ellinna,elizabeth)

Left to right (mi^^, yan yuan,stasia,fiona,beth n pat)

^^ tis ish the best ^^ i like tis pic alot. seldom got the chance to take pic wif shawn shawn haha ^^. fiona was saying like having 2 wife. haha.
Than was mi n ellinna. She ish realli a pretty fairy ehh. hahas. ^^
Than the 3 gals. The middle one ish yan yuan. Dr yam's daughter. ^^ She ish SUPER cute n PRETTY. believe it ^^ o... i like her ^^

Nth much was left to share. Tml still nid to wake up earli in the morning to go for work n my strawberri milk tea tat mummi had bought for mi ish still in the dept. darn. O let mi show u my pet pet for tis D&D. ^^ my new hair clip. Cute mah? yes ish a rabbit ^^ hahas. >.< tired le. i shell go sleep le.
Hope all has enjoyed their dae like i did. And thank you veri much for the nite team for making n effort to come earlier to take over our shift. wad else? ern nth le. Love all ^^ n god bless. sleep well. Harn ish sleepy ~ ZzZZZZzzZZ~ com off. lights off.

2008-12-11T23:49:00.004+08:00

Lehbit ^^ love love. cute rite ^^ i dunnoe. i jus feel veri veri happi to see it n i like it alot alot. hahas.

Aiz aiz. there are tings i feel like doing but i cant do it. there are ppl i feel like caring but i cant care for them. There are words i feel like saying but i cant express it out nor can i said it out. How i wish i can juz said it out do the tings i feel like doing n alot more others.

todae was okay wif work. darn but i got back aches todae. guess i m realli old le. Believe it or not. >.< >.< no~ i dun wan T.T cries. o dear. i still got a bit of xmas shopping to do before xmas. n ern. good news? got got. i'm working p shift on xmas eve n DOUBLE on xmas day. Shiok? tinking to work double on boxing dae a not. maybe i will take. still tinking since ish an a shift. humm. should i ? ~(-.-)~ ~(-.-)~ hola hola dance. hahas. crazy!

eyes closing le. darn. wad ish tis. blur~ blur. -.- good nite everi one. love all le. god bless. o ya. one more tin. Harn ish more stronger le. coz she learn to hold bk her tears more le. no tears. no more. ^^

recharged

2008-12-11T12:30:00.002+08:00

Feel alot more recharged after my day off and a late wakey tis morning. long time nv afternoon shift le. tings are still like tat.

and i will still be like tat. so ish like tat lor. no changes no move no action no special no effect no. nthing at all. mi ish still mi.

holidae coming. earli wishes to everi one. christmas ish to spend wif the one u love. so i hope tat all mothers can spend wif their children. i dun mind working on tat dae. ^^ coz i noe how little child love to hav time wif their mum. i was onces a kid too. n now i'm still a kid. hahas n i love to spent christmas wif ppl tat i love. tis yr i shell spent it wif my dept. coz i love love them ^^ hahas~

gtg for work le. a heart for a heart.
Loved~

another dae

2008-12-09T21:53:00.002+08:00

It hasnt been a good week ends nor a good public holidae. no. not at all. I almost got killed by the overwhelming numbers of clients i get per dae and better still working double straight for 2 daes. hump~ for such a pack of old bones like mi. darn. n tis morning wasnt better at all. didnt noe how i did it but it seem like i m seeing more n more fire btw my mummi n louis loo. hump~ wars coming on and tat will be world war hundred and ten?

i hav no idea why are we getting more n more clients but it realli shows us tat if a shift there ish onli 3 nurses we are going to work till we are dead. n if tat loo ish on tat will be worst. my nightmare. I dun realli hate him or wad. but maybe not the way he did tings. he will kill mi soon. darn i will nv admit defeat infront of such a person. Wad can i do? arrrh tat's make mi more irritated by the way he treat us. And right infront of the patient he ish trying to get us get some complaint letter due to not severing them STAT ( straight away) hello~ how on earth are we going to do tat if he keep ordering so many rubbish to be done for one clients to another. weather a not they nid it. MBSS u should noe it better than us dun u. n to tink abt it. who runs the blood testes. NOT MI NOT YOU le. ish the lab. wad can i do if the lab says it takes 1 - 2 hrs. STOP BLAMING the nurses and stop telling patient things tat u dun noe. FBC DUN TAKE 30 mins. IT TAKES 1.5 HRS TO RUN. making patient keep coming to the counter and ask. than they said but the doc said. n so we should reply tis way. o the doctor dunnoe ani tin coz ish the lab tat ish running it. wad he said cannot be trusted. I felt so ~ ARHZ~ why cant nurses and doctor juz work in peace? why do u hav to do tings till like tat. Other doc has no problem. ONLI U FREAK~ BUMPZ~

aiz aiz. numbers of clients for tis 4 daes was over 150 everi dae. and so we miss tea n hav late lunch or juz drink n out. at times miss dinner and even OUR TOILET. soon we will be down wif kidney problem or urinary track infection. aiz aiz. wad can i do? finally i m having my off dae tml. but nid to use it well to go settle my citizen ship problem and also going bk to MAH to help keep store room. i should apply for a room in my dept so i can juz stay over night. =) MAH citizenship. hahas. crapz =.=

life ish stressful but we still hav to live on whether u like it or not. it still hav to go on. Wish all well. Pls pray for lisa father. May he rest in peace n bless his family. *Hugs* to ppl tat need it. And to ppl tat recieve it. It does make ppl feel better. thanks May thanks ellainne for the hug. I needed it n i believe u too. =) harn will smile coz harn got u all as my colleagues. no matter wad i will stay strong through out. we still got xmas war to fight, than chinese new year soon. Jia you ar~ *\(o_0)/*

A&E

2008-11-30T00:34:00.006+08:00

If you wan to noe wad happen to the new A&E, you hav to start wif the logo n our best staff ^^ Uncle teoh. there u go. A good sign for everi tin well functioning n working.

than u will hav the front view of the counter. the one u will see once u enter the door. The night shift along wif the morning shift ppl. n doctors.

O. look once u saw him coming in. u noe the morning shift has already started 1 hr ago n ish time for work. Morning doc taking over.

Our nurses counter ish juz like a class room study area. ^^ cute. Dun forget out VERI VERI impt E room. Ish written there Hope ish big enuf. Than we hav our isolation area. Look thru the glass. shawn shawn ish checking n making sure of it.

Than comes our checking n triage area. Smiles ^^ after tat will be the waiting area for the patient. see tat wheelchair sign ish a toilet we are proud to hav. ^^

Last but not least our pharmacy room. BIG now all medication ish relocated. it takes TIME for us to get the med. n stool needed Coz ish so HIGH UP.

seriously speaking. we are still veri messy n more than 2/3 of the time we r running around like idiots. as we cant find our tings at all. dare. functioning well? Not realli. we still got alot to go. alot more to do before we realli settle in. it has been a veri tiring deas. yes deas. but everi one ish suffering togethere. so let's all do our best for the new dept n make it a better place for us to work. we will get use to it. while working down the road. i hope more ppl will join us n work tgt wif us too. ^^
O. late le. tml still working de. god bless all. Love~ ^^ ~

HUGS ^^ I love love A&E

cam-ed

2008-11-25T22:34:00.006+08:00

Cam-ed as tis will be our last few daes left here. Soon we will be moving bk to our old- new home. Here was nice cosy but rather small to work wif. So fast 2 months already had pass. N finally our old - new home ish going to be ready for us to move bk. Lets go thru one by one lo.

the 4 golden flowers. hahas. The nurses counter. The small space where everi ting (paper work) takes places. (left to right : Virginia, Mi^^,lisa & fiona)

Than together wif our dearest in charge of the dae ^^. O 3 little chickens, 1 egg wif A old & Experience rooster. hahas. ^^

Than we have night team most strongest men. Mr Rudy. Dun pray pray okay. u nv noe wad he work as last time..... ern. he's a nurse for years. Experiences one okay.

In our treatment room. O see tat guy. Our new porter. Rui jie aka robin. hahas. He was force to hav an english name. =P if not he would hav become ( ah jack- by uncle teoh, ryan- by lisa, JR - by ellainne) hahas.

See it or not. fiona fly-ing. wif the help of our strongest male in the dept. hahas. tat was so much of luff-er. hahas. bet no one ever can forget fiona FLEW!

The veri last pic was juz a side shot of our new home. it's ready soon. We are now slowly. Not realli slowly but moving in soon. 28/11/08- 0800hrs starting work there. Shit on tat dae i'm working double. Bless mi ish so new n i m working double there.

Super nice but super long. Tis time round we realli nid to walk hard. Yes walk! so... hummm. ^^ i looking forward. yes realli looking forward. But i'll miss HS some how.

O well. we hav to return to our home right. Kies lo. take care le. ^^ love all. Bless all. Nitez.

welcome to my life

2008-11-25T12:07:00.001+08:00

"Welcome To My Life"

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

*
# To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life*

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

*#repeat*

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

*#repeat*

Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

xmas tree

2008-11-23T20:40:00.005+08:00

My xmas tree. Did i nit said Mine? hahas. yes. i stack the tree up all by myself n deco it all by my self the way i tink it ish nice. n tink onli. coz i'm not a designer. wahahaha. have a look.

All miss out ish my stars. hump. i nid it i nid the stars. so i hav to start looking for one. hopefully, i will be able to find it. sooon tis tree will fill up wif presents below the tree. For my family. ^^ seem like i nid to work harder n to hav time to shop for their presents ^^

O well. ^^ hope all will hav a good xmas. To be able to spent wif the one u love. I guess i will be spenting wif ppl tat watch mi grow. n work hard tgt wif mi. ^^ i love love them too. ^^

Love all. God bless.

cannot put down

2008-11-22T23:14:00.002+08:00

Ish not tat i cannot put down. ISh i like to look bk to the tings tat has happen in my life. to feel the feeling once agn. at time i goes into depression i will tink abt tings. =.= If i cant let go. i will hav. Or u would hav see mi in news. humm.

Memories ish always there for us to look bk to see the happi the sad the fault. Than to learn from mistake. tat ish wad i tink. I noe i get into memories n tink abt why i hav done tis n tat. than get realli depress up there. But i understand wad's done cannot be undo. For sure i dun wan to go bk to the past. But knowing the mistake makes one to grows.

aiz. life. tat's life. wad can i do?

god bless, nitez all.

Hugs.

Put the glass down

2008-11-21T23:15:00.002+08:00

A professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it.

He held it up for all to see; asked the students,' How much do you think this glass weighs?'

'50gms!' .... '100gms!' ......'125gms' ......the students answered.

'I really don't know unless I weigh it,' said the professor,'but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?'

'Nothing' the students said.

'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour? ' the professor asked.

'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the students.

'You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?'

'Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress; paralysis;

Have to go to hospital for sure!'ventured another student; all the students laughed.

'Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change? ' asked the professor.

'No' the students said.

Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?'

The students were puzzled.

'what should i do to make my arm feels better?' asked the professor.

'Put the glass down!' said one of the students suddenly.

'Exactly!' said the professor.' Life's problems are something like this.

Hold it for a few minutes in your head; they seem OK.

Think of them for a long time &; they begin to ache. Hold it even longer &; they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.

It's important to think of the challenges (problems) in your life, but EVEN MORE IMPORTANT to 'put them down' at the end of every day before you go to sleep.
That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh &; strong &; can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!'

Remember to 'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY!

_____________________________________________________________

Such a simple story but meant alot. To be able to function well n function normally we hav to learn to put tings down. Although it ish not easy to do so but in the end keep tinking abt it doesn't actualli help u solve the problem. at times onli by letting go will u actualli see the solution to the problem. So learn to 'put them down' to let go ish the best way to distress urself. n to be urself agn. =) smile n the whole world will smile wif euu.

Harn learnt to smile =)
Love all. God bless. nitez ^^

still here

2008-11-21T12:20:00.002+08:00

Still here. standing right on the spot. Still here. No movement at all.

Still pumping. the usual rhythm it juz keep on pumping.

wish it would stop. For awhile. or forever.

Than i shell work. n make it pump faster.

faster n faster. Than...

wait for it to break down. awaiting.

i juz wan to be alone. for a while....

Juz awhile more. Let mi lose everi tin. Let mi understand wad ish important. Let mi noe. Let mi be a huamn agn. Let mi understand why does it pump. for better or for worst? It juz keep pumping.

Thumb... thumb.. thumb...

going on

2008-11-19T23:02:00.002+08:00

It would had been a better world for mi. if i hav been a better gal. if onli i hab been a better lover, a better person, a better better better human. But i m juz a human, a human who ish no greater than ani one of u out there. u make mistake so do i. although wad ish done cannot be undone but these feelings can nv fade away so easily. Be it happi or sad. angry or boring. Tings will pass. Knowing tat u r doing well. I m glad. Although i wish i nv hav done such tings. Althought i wish i nv had get too close wif u. although i wish i nv had hurt u. n although u had hurt mi but nv get to know tat. Things will pass. n time will heal all the wound. Be it big or small. it will get heal.

Harn has nv been veri truthful to her self n to her own feeling. Harn has always been keeping n keeping her own feeling. Harn will not tell ani one when she ish hurt. she will juz hide n hide n hide. Till she cannot take it. Than she will cry. after tat? She will learn to accept tat tis ish her fate. Than she will learn to let go. But all tis take a long time to go thru. Than harn will start again hide n hide. So the one tat realli understand Harn one can onli be Harn herself. Harn hate most ish her self. Coz her best fren ish oso her worst enemy.

Harn learnt a lesson. Harn wan to said sorri to ppl who she had hurt. Harn promise to be a good gal from now on. Harn realli noes her fault le. Harn will nv hurt u agn. Harn will juz keep more to herself. Now Harn ish blank. n onli wan to stay as blank as ever.. Harn will juz stand here n wait. Harn dun wan to move ani more. Harn juz wish Harn can be Harn. But Harn will n can nv be. The Harn tat she wans to be. Harn will take the pain. Take the fault. N move away to stand in blank. alone.

The past makes my present. I learn my lesson. N bleed-ed my head n heart.

LOve all. God bless.

Hands hurts

2008-11-18T00:10:00.004+08:00

My hands. or should i said my fingers hurts. Darn. why isst so hard? i cant seems to get the chords right. ish onli 3 chords u noe. But they doesnt seem to sound right at all. So it said it takes 1 week for ur finger to get use to all tis. I mus keep on going cannot gib up half way if not i wont be able to learn. I wan to learn it. arhz. Juz feel like learning it. i noe ish tough but I WAN. aiz aiz.

Todae was okay. nth interesting nthing fun. had been working wif the same team of ppl for the pass 3 daes n i simply LOVE it. wif beth, lisa n fiona. Woot. Love it. we hav a good time. working together, I dunnoe wad they tink but i like working wif them. actualli i dun mind n like working wif others too. Maybe onli one person tat i cant take. The rest are all loved. hahas. Poor uncle teoh had to work so mani daes of double shift. wonder when will be the new porter coming to help sia. He ish not young ani more u noe. Rite our new dept ish getting ready soon. soon we r moving bk. Rite i nid to take some pic of the dept we r in now before moving bk. >.<

Sleeping soon. rather tired. hope to wake up earlier to go for some jogging. haven been exercising for a period of time. gosh. A pack of old old bone le. i feel old. hahas. kies la. tat's all folks. Bless all. Love~ nitez.

guitar

2008-11-16T23:24:00.004+08:00

o.O woo.. welcome to my house. hahas. A new instrument. Gosh. soon my house can realli turn into a band room. But too bad. i wish i hav such talent on all of the instruments but u now u nv noe how to play if u nv learn. wan to learn but sort of i got so much to learn. my piano oso hanging there. violin oso hanging. i learn flute for one piece of music oso hanging there. ai yo. now one more guitar. awww. erhz. how how?

life getting more n more boring. I guess i got too much of learning to do. N o ya. My unhealthy life style. I wan to change it. wan to go bk to jogging. But darn. i got no shoe ar. should get a pair of jogging shoe soon. wad else ish in my mind? let mi see.

> get my citizenship done.

> learn driving.

> pass my driving test

> start sch soon.

> work extra hard for more money.

> buy Nds for my sis.

> Buy a lappy for myself

> learn how to play piano

> learn how to play violin

> learn how to play guitar

> learn how to bake.

> learn alot of tings ar.

seem like some other tings slip out of my mind. arh nvm. Guess my brain ish not working well enuf. hump. wad can i said. o ya. ytd outting was okay. Nthing tat much fun nthing tat much interesting nor exciting. But i guess lisa n fiona did enjoy them selves well. so did leo but ern jermery mah jiu not so sure le.

Harn ish simple n simply glad. Harn learn to move out of the anger zone learn to let go of tat feeling of angry, than to re- accept someone bk into my life. a fren. juz a normal fren. Harn grow. Harn learn. there ish still alot of tings Harn nid to learn. First ish to learn how to make own life more exciting n oso to finish all my wish list. Harn ish not young ani more. Harn nid to learn fast Harn left onli few years to live. Harn ish simply happi coz ppl around mi ish living well n good.

But harn ish not happi for herself.=( coz Harn ish tired of living. wad ish life? i dunnoe. i'm juz starting to find out. but Harn ish not enjoying it. Harn nid a break. a quiet life. Harn wan go some where elsa to live. where i can do wad i like n wad i wan to do. Open a shop n bake cakes. a cafe. learn to play piano. live life beside the sea. a simple life. alone.

wow

2008-11-10T23:17:00.002+08:00

WoW... yes wow. can u believe it i juz finish 3 nite shift. Came bk at 7 plus tis morning than bath n sleep. woke up 1230hrs than 1500hrs started work again. Woot. let mi see how mani hrs did i realli sleep. humm. 4.5 hrs of sleep woot ar. hahas. than when i reach work place prem said to mi tat i m trying to shorten my life span by 25 yrs. hahas. ish not tat i m realli doing so. Juz u nv understand tat i nid money n since i m still young n still can cope. why not work harder?

Seriously speaking it realli shouldnt be the way of living n resting. Since last week i didnt realli hav ani dae off. The dae before night shift i worked afternoon shift. Than on saturdae i went to my god ma house for her birthdae celebration. than worked. tat dae suddenly felt giddy. sundae morning home rested well. Than night worked. Than todae home morning. afternoon work WOOT~

if u were to ask mi, m i tired i will said no. But i tink if i m not wrong. My system are all veri tired. hahas. okay la. still working lor. But i tink my eyes are the one suffering the most. Of coz, they are open for so mani hours. 19.5 hrs of 24 hrs le. hao le i shell be good n treat my eyes well. protect them before they are hurt.

call of the dae bus no 166 little india 147. hump. stupid.

God bless all. Love all. Nite nite everi one out there. i wan to learn driving soon n o. 2 more weeks to sch life agn. LOvE

2 weeks past

2008-11-02T23:46:00.002+08:00

oct 19th

the last dae i ever see him agn. Sound wired, feel funni. Tings are going to change from now on. Knowing my anger ish still there. Knowing tat all tis take times to recover. Knowing tat i was being bad stabbed, By some one i tot we r fren. To tink back wad has taken place n wad had happen. The tings i did n the tings i owned him. I return le. Be it u hav play wif my feeling or tat u hav juz wanted to play. I dun wan to know ani more. fire. such words n hurts. Harm-ed. Harmlessly.

Oct 20th

A break to start it all. tis ish an impt break for mi. Tings getting bk to wad it use to be. A dae to walk out of all the tings tat hav gone thru. To tink abt all the happiness all the happi time i hav spent wif my OPD frens. ish hard to ever happen agn ani more. Treasured. knowing the on coming daes will be a different view. First time after so mani weeks. Resting at home agn. Misses home. Felt like apart, Nv has been so lost before. Home. ish the onli place tat no matter wad happen to you, you are always welcomed. Home sweet Home.

Oct 21st

special shift work. ish actualli my day off but rather than off i'm working locum. Busy. Why everi time i work locum, it ish always hard earn money. Cant i slack some how.=P well i guess not. aiz aiz.

Oct 22nd.

Double double. one word BUSY~

Oct23rd.

luckily ish a afternoon shift if not tat goes. I will be having problem wake up agn. But ish lisa dae of double. Busy agn. Are we having SALES or wad? Hump~

Oct26th

Love Love. I specially love tis veri sundae. I hav been looking forward more than ani tin. Juz for a chance to meet u up. tis ish thee best dae. althought we didnt do much but juz company ni ish already the best dae of my week. went eating jap tea buffet. than eat n eat Jus eat la. ai yo. too bad we didnt take ani pics. n we hav juz tat few hrs to spent tgt. I realli would love to spent more time wif u. Zhen de heng xiang. spenting time wif a person who love u as who u realli ar. No matter how fat or ugly u are. Juz love the way u r. ish the best person u can hav in tis world. Thanks alot. i m who i m. n who r u to judge who i m?

Oct 27th

happi light festival. hahaha. Double agn. BUSY~ pre pre already busy. Pre oso busy. actual oso busy. Specialist flowing up n down in n out too. ~ HELP URSELF PLS~

Oct 28th

I'm suprised tat i actualli can wake up. WAH ~.~ an A shift. woot.

Oct 29th

A rest dae to make mi work hard for 2 coming double. and in the end i end up working extra hard to make a video for biebie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qL0h7kj9tQQ

bie said was welldone. But i dun tink so wor. I tink theere ish more i can do better de. But maybe nx time bah. ^^ tinking how we will be spenting life tgt. tings wont be the same. humm. alot more friction. lot more problem. But i realli hope lot more understand.

Oct 30th.

i wanted to said tis.

2 month ago. i started an interesting relationship. Got to know someone i tot we can be soul mate. Besties. than 1 month ago. we celebrated our spenting of get to know each other for 1 mth. todae we r like juz passer by. Some one less than fren more than stranger. all becoz of wad he had done. You are the one tat make an ending to everi tin. You are thee onee tat make tings ugly. dun blame mi for ani tin. Blame wad u did. I return all tat i hav owe u. truth was told to u. Even if i was a bitch i was an honest one. How can some one as honest as mi be a bitch. but u. let time heal my wound. I hav no more anger. But dissappointment

Oct 31st.

Double agn. Tired. errrrh. Love letter. come come. I dun care. ish not worth severing you. I rather u write letter n complain. Than i rather get some scolding than severing u. U make no sense. Come write wad u wan. I dun care. Stupid ppl.

Nov 1st.

A shift. I hav to admit tat i m tired. Realli tired out tat i dun even hav the enegry to go out n tat i nid to take nap. gosh, tat means. i actualli tied myself out. tis ish bad. realli bad. headaches But i refused to eat panadol. No way. No para no no.

Nov 2nd

all the anger has gone down. be it for him my grandma or ani more elsa. has gone way down. i figure out tat. It has none to do wif mi n tat even i hold tat breath of mine till last ish not going to help. Wad's the point than. let bygones be bygone. let the wounf heal but leave a scar to re mind myself. already fishing. wad's nx. My bed. >.<

Bie's house

2008-10-09T17:46:00.005+08:00

Ehh. guess wad new update. where m i now? hahas. bie house. Erm. nthing much to blog lor. Tis few dae. ish my anual leaves. 1 week of leaves. can nv be enough for mi.

Last month alot of tings happen. Super tired up wif everi tin. I dunnoe how to tell them in details. Now de mi juz hope tat everi tin will pass well too. Enjoy myself from the leave from work n distress myself. talking of tat.

Genting was super cold sia. humm but nth much to play at all. Nor m i realli in a mood to play de. theme park. nah. Wad elsa i can do there wor. O ya first time went into casino sia. N they realli checked my id to make sure i m 21 n above. Actualli i tink they juz check for fun. Coz nth better to do at all. Than i m sure i dun look young already. Old le old le. A pACK OF OLD BONES. N i experienced bone ache todae. LOL. dam i cannot dun admit tat i m old le wor. Wad i hate most abt genting was. I HATE THE SLOPE. Yes hate it. It make mi taste my lunch agn n agn u noe. EeeEEeEEeee. Dam dam. I hate tat >.<>.< lazy mi hahas. i noe ish more healthy but but. work la. hahas. =P

When zoo on mondae. Zoo was Fun ^^ yeah yeah . n our next outing will be sentosa. erh. Ya still tinking n planning for the date. I rmb was it angela tat said she long time never been to sentosa. Yeah. ^^ cant wait for the nx outing wonder when will it be. o ya i nid to plan it before sch start. busy busy sia. Hump hump !. o well.

Humm. nth more to said le. bie stop looking la. ai yo. ! Love all. God bless.

Off and on

2008-09-11T10:57:00.002+08:00

Alot of things ish happening at the same time. Looking out of my window. To tink abt the min when one leave fall from the tree. alot of other tin will be happen in other places. A person at the veri end of the road. A couple getting marry. An accident on the road. Brain cells millions n millions dying while i'm trying to tink wad will be happening to other ppl in the other side of the world that i dun see at all. Humm.

There ish alot of feeling in side my heart right now. messy. blur. tired. n sorrow. Sorrow ish word i seldom use. at most ish sad. But sorrow a veri powerful usage. the feeling tat juz dun go away like tat. I dunnoe wad to said. But i dunnoe wad i can do too. Sighed. knowing i nid a place to keep n hide my own feeling i turn to my blog. But in blog there r also things u cant tell. U will hav to learn to keep.

Now i feel like having a ice cold milk tea from mos burger. The one i hav ytd. music playing from the com keeps mi accompany. Not tat i nid ani one to. But ya. I some how dun wish to hav ani one at all. may be my sis bah. Juz like her sitting there playing her com would at least fills a corner of the empty room. O well my room ish not empty at all. beds coms n tables. books. N music. Humm.

Ya i m going to start my degree course soon. in nov 24 2008. Dam back to student. but not full time. Juggling wif study n work. I dun tink i hav time for relationship. for 2 yrs 3 mth. I dun wan to let relationship affect mi at all. I wan to do well for my study. Tat's my future. Ppl looks up on mi. So i hav to fight even harder dun i? now tinking i feel like getting marri later hahas. coz i tink i got alot of tings to fullfill. or should i not even get marri. hummp. hahas. tat's still veri long sia. hahas. juz out of the box. ^^

some ramdom tinking along the way of life.

In life we mus learn how to accept wad ish given to us. enjoy it first. than when it ish time to let go. Learn to let go. wif a smile. Dun keep holding on. let to be strong. Like wad i m learningg now. To be strong. N to let go in a way.

Best fren. i likee him. i realli do.=)

harn ish happi to noe dav.

alone

2008-09-05T21:20:00.002+08:00

Now i noe. Wad i m most scare of was the ting tat i m always facing. I m always alone. Not in a the sense of realli in the room all by myself. But inner feeling. wishing to hav some one to depend on but yet most of the time ppl leave mi. slowly n one by one. Coz i m the one to chase them away rite? I will learn i will get use For the time being i will be down. I will learn to be strong to stand strong alone.

Now all i nid ish myself. Jia you.

=[Lost n dun wan to be found]=

For ur good n for my good. For us for future.

messy person

2008-09-03T23:51:00.002+08:00

Yes i m a veri messy person. a person who noe not my own heart. isst tat i dun dare to face my own world or wad. i dunnoe. I juz feel like swinging my temper. but now i found out tat i dun hab ani one for mi to throw my feelings to. enclosed.

I m lost in my own world agn. In no place can i be found. at times i wish i wont be found. at times i wish tat the one who found mi will be here for mi forever. I nid tat person to stay wif mi. I wish to be take care of. i dunnoe wad i m doing. realli. i'm tired. i m realli tired. I wish i juz wish the rite person will stay by my side. i noe i m still young. i noe i can still look around. I noe. But i'm tired of life already. if i were to live to 60 plus. I wish i can share my life line wif ppl who nid it more than i do. I will gib 10 to my mum 10 to my dad. 10 to my sis. 10 to my bro. N wish them to hav a good life. n few more yrs down the road. I'm ready to go.

God, pls take care of the ppl i loved. everi one of them. Be it the ppl i like. i love. i dislike. or even i hated. They r ppl tat thought mi to grow. To learn to be who i m. God pls let them hav a peaceful life. To be able to be wif the one they love n tat loved them. To hav a happi family n good happi ever after life.

I'm Happi Coz i noe i'm

LOVED~ thanks

A choice

2008-09-03T00:53:00.002+08:00

A choice to make. But not to make the wrong choice. I noe i hav to learn to settle my own feeling myself. I noe i cant bear to hurt ani side of them. N i truthfully said we r onli frens. Yes we r fren tat can share the common points. hav fun N go out tgt. We will be juz fren n not more than tat.

I seriously wont be able to let go of biebie. The one who spent 2 yrs long distance relationship wif mi. yes it ish true tat he cannot company mi when i needed him. Yes it ish true tat he hurt mi alot of times. but there r things we cannot over see. He ish the one tat can take my temper. The one tat can take my nonsense. The one when i rants he will listen. The one tat pamper mi. Let mi be a notti gal. Be a pamper spoilt brat. In seriously allow mi to be a rotten apple who still got ppl wan. hahas. N the best part ish. I still love him no matter wad happen. I noe i misses him. I noe when i go ani where walk ani street. The place we've been thru. I will look bk. N rmb the happi moments.

Wad drag us apart ish more of the emptiness tat i felt. Yes, i notices tat i nid some one to company mi. some one to love mi. to be by myself. to hold mi. to tell mi he love mi seriously. I like ppl take note of mi. Noe tat i m there alive beside. some one who sense tat my hands r always cold n when my hands r cold so does my whole body feel cold. i wanted not juz to hold my hand. i want to be keep close to a warm place. To be hug.

Tis few daes. I realli hav been thinking thru alot of tings. I dun wan to hurt ani one of them. the one i dun wan to hurt most was d. Coz i always believe tat biebie understand mi. Trust mi tat i will make the best move out of it n at the end of the dae return to him. Yes. I will return to him naturally. Coz tat ish where i belong. In his heart. M i rite bie? or ur heart got no more space for mi ani more? If tat the case pls tell mi earlier. let mi pack my tings n walk out of ur life. >.<

Bie having exam. Jia You in preparing n studying. Love all.

I felt Loved~ some how. By him. Thanks. I realli hav great memories. But for now. We r close fren. Frens~

ben&jerry

2008-08-24T23:10:00.004+08:00

Ern. =) thanks alot for the ben & jerry ice cream. I didnt noe u take it so seriously. Gee. thanks. It some how make mi veri happi. =) My first even Ben&Jerry ice cream. I haven yet had the chance to try it.

Tis few des. works stress n tired. I'm getting more n more impatient. I guess now i understand how come nurses getting more n more impatient. Ish not onli becoz of work but oso becoz we hav to face wif our own personal problem. Dare.

Juz feel tat i nid some holidaes. hahas. wad i nid i noe. but i wont tell. Coz i noe i will not get it. n if i said it out it ish not sweet ani more. but rather sad de. =( Ani way todae i hav the ice cream to cheer mi up. =) n thanks to david.

Bless all. hope to hav a better tml. love all

tots

2008-08-13T09:10:00.002+08:00

Has been working night shift for the pass 7 daes. yes to said 1 whole week. hahas. m i powerful? nah compard to Dr Ng K C. i cant even reach his 0.5 standard. hahas. he ish iron man. n make out of stainless steel. SuPeR. ^^.

went thru our company user in box mail. lots of tots was collected from there. everi week we will have thought for the week. A lot may be too hard to understand. But yet they are as meaningful as the rest of them. I share share some of the thoughts tat i hav collected from there. Mind u. I didnt spent my world night doing it as i figure out tat i dun nid tat much of time to do such simple tings. hahas. let see. we start by tis week. ther veri fresh tot tat pop out in the mail.

"One isnt necessarily born with courage,

But one ish born with potential.

Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency.

we cannot be kind, true, meciful, generous, or honest."

isst not hard to understand? Of coz it ish hard to understand. so i take wad i understand. n in the end i found out tat all it means from wad i understand ish we r born with potential. N onli wif courage can we carry out the tings consistently. M i right wif the meaning? I oso dunnoe. But ish realli up to u to see how u actualli view tis line of words. haha. ^^.

Okay, here's another one.

"Creativity ish the ability to think in unhabitual ways."

Creativity has absoulutely nothing to do with wad u do.

But it has everiting to do wif how you do it.

There are an enormous number of ppl who deprive themselves

of many of the joys life offers because they believe they are not

CREATIVE.

humm a unhabititual way meaning sometin tat ish not like daily life. No common? did i get the right meaning? haha. So dun keep on tinking on to be creative. but tink out of the box. the commons. N u will be able to out shine. not juz one step out of the box. but continue to walk on. Out further out of the area. N u will notice. u created wonders. n wonders. ^^ For ur infor. I m a Box. a (5x5x5)cm BOX.

Boi, words doest make u sumhow more sleepy. bed bed. Shellbe off to bed soon. going 10 am soon. boi. i'm still here. haven sleep. >.< Love all. sleep well everione. <33>

Got it

2008-08-04T11:22:00.003+08:00

Woot. Finalli after so mani years. I got it. Not realli said i. But still i hahas. Guess wad? hahas. The veri first digital cam tat belong to the family. The past was like. All th cam theydun realli belong to us. coz they r all second hand. not tat we cant affort or wad. But juz my mum tink tat ish not realli needed to actualli own a good one. so we usualli buy of as 2nd hand from my godfather when he do not wants it ani more as he got a new one. Dame. of coz the quality n the function will be far from wad ish out now. expired? hahas.

Let mi share. The veri cam tat we welcome to join our family.

NIce nice o. Thought wanted to buy sony de. But than. I dunnoe isst becoz of the seller or wad. Some how when i try the cam. It was not as nice as tis. Asin the display. But tat one was a touch screen. N ish realli nice too. I guess they oso hav more color choices than tis. But still i like it. =) thanks dad for buying for mi. I mean for the whole family. Boi. ish for the family. Not mi. >.<>

Lalala~ So happi ^^ welcome welcome. O dear. Means. I will hav evn more picture to be wash out. Shell get ready more photo album than. Sharks. =(

Tat's all folks. Love all. Bless ^^

nth

2008-08-02T19:47:00.002+08:00

i m doing nth at all. unless u call doing sumting as in standing in front of the com. hand stretch straight jus to reach the keyboard n type tis line full of words as doing sumtin. juz finish din n super full so i guess i shouldnt take a sit n rest. not tat i dun wan. but for the good of my belly, i shell stay standing for the next half- one hours time. walking around or doing nth. juz standing.

sigh. mood has been up n down n up n down. can't seem to find all thoughts happy days. where has it gone to. m i becoming more n more realistic or should i said WELCOME to the real world. bumpz. a lot of tings juz walk pass my mind, like taking n under/over head bridge. insecure juz fill my mind. i dun believe anyone at all. No not in tis way. as in. I do so believe in my family alot. n my frens. Yes frens but reminder NO ALL CAN BELIEVE in esp ppl u get to noe in ur work place. The more u tink they r ur fren. in the end wad u get ish tings tat u dunnoe. Bet mi. Knife from behind. SURPRISES. dun u juz simply love it? dun women always lov e surprises? Maybe not in tis sense. But i swear upon my own life. the tings tat i noe. I dun share. i onli shared my own feeling. with maybe one or two person but not more. i dun even share it with my closest teacher. guess it cant be help.

LOVE. let me check in the dictionary. DAME ( SKIP IT)

noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7. sexual intercourse; copulation.
8. (initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11. the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
12. the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
13. Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.
14. a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.

–verb (used with object)
15. to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
16. to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
17. to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.
18. to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
19. to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.
20. to have sexual intercourse with.

–verb (used without object)
21. to have love or affection for another person; be in love.

—Verb phrase
22. love up, to hug and cuddle: She loves him up every chance she gets.

—Idioms
23. for love,
a. out of affection or liking; for pleasure.
b. without compensation; gratuitously: He took care of the poor for love.
24. for the love of, in consideration of; for the sake of: For the love of mercy, stop that noise.
25. in love, infused with or feeling deep affection or passion: a youth always in love.
26. in love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (a person, idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with the girl next door; in love with one's work.
27. make love,
a. to embrace and kiss as lovers.
b. to engage in sexual activity.
28. no love lost, dislike; animosity: There was no love lost between the two brothers.

so my summary of love ish. it's too long to understand. ish not clearly explainted. So kids dun try it when u still in school. try learning more before u go deep into it. adults. try it with someone u sure tat can understand u n promise to protect u till the end of ur life. If not u will learn another few more words after trying. for exp: HURT, HATE, HEART BROKEN & ETC. n taste the salt, salty tears. one advice, drink more water than tears wont taste tat bad. BET MI. hahas.

carp. tis ish a veri long post wif alot of rubbish. Okay le. dun rants on le. if not i can nv stop. Dear all. GOD bless. LOVE. hahas.

aduit

2008-07-28T23:43:00.002+08:00

Stupid audit tml. i cant even rmb ani tin. so here goes. i'm going to use tis post as a place for mi to rmb. I nid to type of write it out to be able to rmb. Arhz.

vision

To be recognized as the industry ldr in the delivery of compassionate and patient- centerd health care.

Mission statement

Mount alvernia is a general hospital that aims to deliver compassionate and high quality holistic care regardless of race n religion. we are guided by christian values and the moral teachings of the catholic church.

Core values

- compassion

Definition: An act of care showing kindness, empathy and sympathy

-Respect

Definition: An act of giving due regard for the feeling or rights of others.

-Integrity

Definition: An act of commitment to MAH's mission & values demonstrating honesty and trustworthiness.

- Attentiveness

Definition: An act of being present to the needs of the person at all times.

tag-line

sever all with love

KPI

1. to achieve 75% of waiting time for registration within 5 mins.

2. To achieve a 75% of waiting time for triage within 10 mins

3. 100% documentation of stat treatment on the medical record prior to discharge.

4. To achieve A&E turnaround time for non-procedural cases within 60 mins.

5. To achieve A&E turnaround time for procedural cases within 120 mins.

What do we do? & to who?

1.To provide the following services to the

- outpatients

- corporate clients

- In patients

- MAH staff

on:

> outpatient care

> Emergency care

> Coordination of ambulance services

> Medical screening services

> medical consultancy

2. To collaborate with other clinical support services to provide an efficient and cost effective care.

3. To provide a range of outpatient services such as:

> Outpatient consultation

> Medical/surgical Emergencies

> Routine checkups: -Pre-employment

- Insurance

- Work permit (application/renewal)

- Immigration

- domestic helper

> Coordinate ambulance services.

ern. there ish still more. but my eyes r going into one straight line le. CMI CMI. gtg for sleep le. Tml than look thru agn bah. Nitez all. God bless u n bless mi too pls. Love.

>.< >

a life

2008-07-20T16:46:00.002+08:00

A life to start wif. a life to end. tis few months alot of tings happen. be it good or bad. happi or sad. all will hav an ending.

I turn one yr old on 17/7/08 in my work place. so fast. i m no longer a baby an more. thru tis yr alot of tings has happen in work. i rmb the first time i got scolded from a patient saying tat i try to kill her child by not explaining well enuf abt the medication. thank you to you. i hav learnt my mistake. make a step higher up. Getting myself better wif the medication n oso in explaining to patient. I may not rmb wad ish ur name but i wont forget the words tat u hav said and the feeling, the impact of it all. of coz i still rmb who came n help mi. Sort of saved mi. But tings doesnt always seem to be as good as it ish. Relationship turned sour. Not to said a words. work place tings. one first timr i took blood from a REAL patient. My first time of doing Stomach wash out alone. My first time of Catheterization. alot of first time. First love letter. alot of first time. Rmb the first dae stepping into the dept. Getting to noe everi one. Learning n learning. trying n trying. Even though at time i m scare n feel like redrawing. But yet i went on even though i make mistake once. I still do it again. I m scare But i cannot juz let go like tat coz in tis world u nid to learn n to master the skill to be good. N tat onli by doing more will u be able to do so. So i did^^ Of coz there r oso happi tings. Like getting praises from patient. ^^ knowing tat they r happi. I feel happi too. Tis ish wad keep mi moving. a smile to put on during work. Yet some ppl juz dislike my face. reason being. I hav no idea. hahas. I juz not pretty enuf i guess. >.<

suddenly found out tat my life ish rather free when i m not doing my regular tings ani more. feel like. i hav no idea wad to do. haha. rite. Todae mah. wahaha. late for work. LOL. woke up at 7 sharp. dame late le. 10 mins jiu out of house le. dad fetch mi to work. reach work place around 0720hrs. Stasia asked mi if i called the dept. nope i didnt but i msged her. Lucky for mi. Coz stasia ish the in charge. hahas. so save for todae. Guess wad I did set my alarm but it didnt ring. Guess i was juz too tired bah. Some more ytd i slept even before my hair dry. ytd was a veri busy dae. tiring. todae oso wor. n i feel tired already. old le old le.

ani other matter?

No le i tink. so long nv update le. hahas. work stress. family stress. coz mum ish busy abt grandfather. everi one has their things to busy on. so i guess. no one ish free for ani one. all in their own world. mi too. In my own world. lonely ye hao. alone ye hao. ish not impt. Most impt ting ish tat the one u love be happi n healthy. sometime sometings u hav to learn to let go n accept it in a different way. sometime sometings ish not urs. No matter how hard u try it doesnt seem to go right. physically. mentally. to mi. i guess most impt ish emotionally. I a piece of tissue. a tissue tat has no cover. n ish raining heavily. i tinking to see doctor tml. i guess i should go n do some blood test le. humm.

oei, u still a life ar? God bless. Love all.

caught

2008-05-08T01:59:00.003+08:00

Caught in between of 2 frens. seeing thme going thru their relationship to the end of point. there ish alot of things i would like to said. But there ish alot of tings tat i cant said. the pain tat ish felt in my heart. seeinh her suffering like tat. I understand the pain tat i felt for her. coz it feels juz like wad she ish feeling. The lost of tears tat u cant cry out. when inside ish burning hurt. TO see her "destorying" herself. the pain increase. wishing tat we where bk to last time. wishing tat it was all bk to normal. But i noe. I cant do ani tin. i onli can stand here n see her suffer. n my heart suffered wif her. i didnt noe i felt so attached to her already.

spoken to him. he expressed wad he ish going thru n wad he was going thru at tat time. heard his voice. felt his stress. n understand why he did such tings. looked at the whole suitation. repeating thots in my mind. They lack of communication. realli lack of.

he do not understand wad she wans n she does not noe wad he wanted. He does not noe how to convey his love to her. she cant feel the love tat was given by him. He noes tat she love him n changes for him. she noes tat he ish stress n tot he wanted to be left alone. in the end. he looked out for a listen ear. she was hurt by him.

they hab been tgt for a yr plus. been thru thick n thin. Juz when both where getting better. such tings happen. to end tis relationship or not. doesnt depend on mi. My hearts r soft. I can be veri nasty if i wan to. But all i wan ish she to be strong n happi, him to be happi n reach his dream. i'll do wad i can. but i m not ur fairy god mother nor an angel. god bless.

* i dunnoe wad the hell ish happening to tis mr K. If u dun wan to talk to mi ish fine. Pls dun juz ignore mi. at least tell mi than i wont even bother to go n said hi. waste my effort. bu shi kan zhai love de fen shang i would hav talk it out to u. I juz dun wan to make u brother ship destory becoz of mi. wadever isst. I tahan. for love sick. FINE!* ARHZ~

hump~ ish earli in the morning i noe, n i'm here writing long story. dunnoe for who to read. But for own safe keeping bah. okay fine lets talk. work was like shit. tis few daes it has been busy n busy. n busy. I dunnoe wad ish happening but realli busy. there r times tat i reaali feel verirealli enjoyed severing my clients. there r times tat i m irritated by my client but there r time tat I can chat wif them n oso luff wif them. But there r client tat doesnt understand a single tings at all. n all they wan ish for us to be FAST. HeLLO. I onli got 1 pair of hands. wad can i do. Mr/Ms. I cant do everi task at the same time n not get ani tin done. rite? the more u ask mi to fast the more u r blocking my way to get tings done. so Pls wait we r working our life to make tings fast. stress. i feel so much like... the end... u noe. but i noe there mus be reason for mi to live on. i juz wish everi tin will be over asap.

yes our dept ish getting rennovation tis month end. i cant wait for it to start n to be done. than we will hav a brand new enviroment to work in. wishing for a better life in the new dept. realli hope tat we can work well. n hopping for more staff to join us. we r so lack of staff. >.< o ya. things not going veri well wif my meds. i'm getting some of the side effect of the meds. Gosh. wad ever ish happen ish not good. fridae on nite agn. stress lvl x2. God bless mi pls. i realli feel veri tired.

Nitez to all. god bless. <3

was here.

2008-04-30T10:04:00.002+08:00

time passes so fast. n now i m n hav to admit tat i m OLD~ RWAR~ cant help it aint more.i m 21 yr old alreadi. My celebration was super ^^V all thanks to the ppl who came. =( cant load ani pic coz i haven get ani pics yet. awaiting.~

My leaves finish n started work for 2 daes alreadi. first dae back to work was a -.- i realli feel so lost n make a lot of mistake. but wad to do? have to be thick skin. hack care wad they scold lor. so i did. n than i survived thru with alot of =(. Aiz. aiz. I do like my work but there r some ppl tat i tink i will have a hard time working wif due to wif their present i feel double the stress. Coz the way their face ish. n the way they talk. hahas. will cant be help lo. tis ish life than. no matter happi or sad i will have to work on. Jia you lo.

Ytd was much better. Maybe ish becoz ish morning shift. so mah i feel better. I like morning shift more than ani tin. Dunnoe why juz like it alot better than afternoon shift. ^^ so ytd wad =) better.

todae ish off dae agn^^ work 2 dae off 1 dae not bad ar? hahas. hard to said. some times we work 11 to 12 daes or even more than we got our off dae. tis ish the factz lor. wad to do. coz one week one dae off ar. n the off are always different date de. so like tat ar. ^^ but ish okay bah. should get use to it le. nth much bah. I guess alot of tins the best place to keep some times ish ur heart. + i m such a forgetful person tat most of the tings i hav forget. unhappi tings r onli rmb-ed when i feel sad. dunnoe why they will come pouring out. But when i feel =) i cant seem to rmb ani wor ^^ hahas. 2 side apart. Kies lor. i go slack le.

Love all . God bless. =)

Updates

2008-04-11T00:05:00.002+08:00

OoOooo. April le. gosh first week pass le. soon jiu 2nd week le. Will be doing 4 nitez. wish mi luck ^^. after tat jiu off le ^^ yeah, my leave ^^.

Tis few daes. alot of thing happen in the dept. i feel so stress up by the ppl. I didnt noe yuan lai. tis ish the type of thing i will get to noe. But i heard others said bigger pond more fish n more fish will fight for oxygen. to said the truth. I realli like my dept. If given to choose i realli dun wan to move to other place but of coz tink abt the experience tat i get from there ish realli not enuf to make mi a better person maybe for a start the stone ish not tat big. But compard to my frens i will be veri lack behind. the amt of tings i noe n the type of drugs i m handling. so to said i m train to be a clinic nurse onli. Aiz.

I feel so tired. so tired of everi tin. Man i m onli 20 yrs old. going 21 soon. But i already feel tired. how do u tink i should live my another 30- 40 yrs? i nid a life. tell mi get a life. I wan to but i tink i m lack of some tin. Do tell mi wad isst? a sense of belonging? a sense of love n a sense of secure? i guess i nid some one to be by my side. tat noe how to pamper mi. n dun scold n shout at mi. understand mi. some one tat ish willing to listen to mi talking ani tin. I wan to share everi tin But i cant. alot of tings i juz bottom-up to myself. sad case. I guess tis ish part of being nurse. =X

Tat dae bie tell mi that his sister ish getting marri nx year. i feel realli happi for her. zhen de. already waited for tat dae for a long time l. finalli thy decided hahas. Althought we r not veri close but juz feel super happi for her lo. idk why. hahas. maybe i like wedding bah. Tat dae i watch pat wedding CD. it was super nice esp the part where the sister play wif the groom. It looks realli xin fu. Bless them. Tat dae mummi tell mi abt her fren wedding. It was not as happi as i tot all th wedding will be. Then i tink a wedding. onli wif all ur frens n family blessing than will u feel happi. more impt ish. R u happi? Tis ish onces in a life time. I told mummi. even if all ur sista dunnoe each other but when it ish ur wedding. Becoz ish for u. Sista will click juz for u. So dun worri. I vote myself to be one of ur sista. N i help fishii to vote in too. Hahas. ^^ so no worri. aniwais they oso nv set tat u nid alot of sista wad.

o. tired le. tml working morning. going sleep le. Nitez all. Bless all. =) have a good sleep. N thanks guo bao for the wish. Tml trial test ^^ aiya. trial test onli wad. =) hahas.

working brain

2008-03-25T01:16:00.002+08:00

good morning everione. yes now ish 1 plus in the morning. no. i hav not wake up coz i haven even go sleep. tis few daes going thru wad should b done n book. which dae should the celebration be help. ish not going to be easi after all. actualli i love to share my excitement wif some one. But at the same time i m rather tired. sharing of excitement. i guess i shouldnt let it get too over into my mind. coz i dun wan to hurt some one feeling. ish not becoz jealousy or envy but more of like. coz he wont be able to celebrate wif mi on the dae. so i shell keep inside my heart ^^.

Tired. tis few daes. keep sleeping late n the best part was waking up rather earli the nx dae. U see i slept at 2 than the nx morning. gosh 8 plus i woke up. CMI i shell sleep back. so i did. n woke up at 9 plus. i tot i can make it to 10 am plus plus. -.- but i didnt manage to do it. there i go agn. now still haven sleep. why m i blogging at tis timing? Coz i promise myself tat i should update my bloggi le. ^^ long time didnt in put of tings.

ytd was a hurt. a pain another scar. My feeling was so hurt. Even thou i hav no tears on mi. but i guess my heart wa bleeding. Do u noe i used alot of guaze n pressure dressing to stop. But the pain. was terrible. some of the time i oso dunnoe wad i m doing. dun noe wad was said n wad was unsaid. ish like. i cant n dun rmb at all. >.< well ish the pass. but there ish a words tat till now i believe it alot. u can forgib wad the person done to u. but u will not forget the feeling the person make u feel. means, u can forget tat person said wad to hurt u, But u will nv forget tat he/ she hurt you. tat ish so true. I can rmb tat i feel hurt n pain. even thou i dun rmb why hahas. but it ish always easier to rmb all the sad times. But the happi one oso r deep. ^^

now i start talking rubbish ehh? hahas. guess i should go sleep de le. going to 2 am soon. nah. ^^ god bless all. LovE. ~ Chu~ muackz. ^^V

love

2008-03-10T18:22:00.004+08:00

＊誰可以當男朋友，誰只能當普通朋友。＊
普通朋友：半夜會找妳打MSN聊天到很晚。
男朋友：半夜看妳還在MSN上會趕你下線(當然妳可以柪個幾分鐘)。
---------------------------------------------
普通朋友：他會找你出去玩,叫妳放棄報告或翹課。
男朋友：他會催妳快寫作業,或者想要跟你討論功課。
---------------------------------------------
普通朋友：在你生病時，會講好話關心妳。
男朋友：在你生病時，他會關心到你很煩，而且逼你去看醫生。
------------------------------------------
普通朋友：他會盡量說好話來討好妳，妳會覺得他很棒。
男朋友：他所說的話，都是關心妳的！但通常像是在命令妳，妳會覺得他幹麻這麼做。
--------------------------------------------
普通朋友：他什麼事情都會配合著你，只要你高興。
男朋友：他會幫你辨別是非，但你會覺得他管太多。
-----------------------------------
普通朋友：他會說他要給你最大的幸福。
男朋友：他只能給你保證，妳跟他在一起，他是最快樂的。
-----------------------------------------
普通朋友：他會幫你買消夜，送宵夜，載你上下課。
男朋友：他會幫你買宵夜，不過他會提醒你，吃什麼比較健康。
他會載你上下課，不過要他有順路，因為他不能為你而翹課。
因為他翹課，他成績便會不好，成績不好不會有好工作。
那你們將來日子怎麼會好過，他會想的很遠。
----------------------------------------
普通朋友：他只有想到現在。
男朋友：他已經預見將來，該怎麼自我努力，好給你幸福。

~※→因為愛你.所以放手還你自由←※~

~※→因為愛你.所以不再讓你困擾←※~

~※→因為愛你.所以寧願自己難過←※~

~※→因為愛你.所以我逼自己離開←※~

┴┬┴┬┴　　珍惜友誼　┴┬┴┬┴┬┴┬
┬┴┬┴　在繽紛的塵宇中　┴┬┴┬┴┬┴┬
┴┬┴　　　你我相識　　　┬┴┬┴┬┴┬┴
┬┴　不管是一次偶然的相逢　┬┴┬┴┬┴
┴┬┴　　或是成為永遠的知已　┬┴┬┴┬
┬┴┬┴┬　　我都一樣珍惜　┬┴┬┴┬┴┬
╭　 ║ 　╗ ║ ╦═══╗ ▅▅▅▅
╠══╬═╯ ╬╬║　 ╭╯╭╯ 補 ╰╮
╯　　║　　║║║　 ╚╗║**.充. **║
═══╬══║║║　　 ║║**.體. **║
　　　║　　╰╬║　　 ║║**.力. **║
　　╚╯　　╚╯╯ 　╚╯╰═══*╯

最真摯滴愛情不需要承諾

注定緣份滴情人不需要約定

只要真心真意滴對待眼前滴你‧‧‧‧

只願陪伴著你直到你不愛你‧‧‧‧‧

Mush~ Love so hard~

in process

2008-03-03T07:24:00.002+08:00

In process of...

In nid of money. My mind non stop keep tinking. i nid more money. to be able to fulfill my dreams n tings tat i wan to do n wan to get. But for the time being. i m LACK of it. seriously tinking abt how to earn extra allowance. Bomb mi. why do i suddenly nid money for?

> driving ( tat ish going to be 2k plus)
N where do u tink my money will come from? Mi, myself n i. Kill mi. i nid alot of saving. ish not as easi as it seem to be. driving cause a BOMB. o well but i hav make promise to mi ^^ tat i should learn driving tis yr. *shrug* dun ask mi why. I guess ish time for mi to start all the tings i wan to do to be at least in process rather than pending....

> voilin ( learning n getting one)
Well ish has always been my dream to be able to play voilin n own one. Currently m sharing a voilin wif my sis. But we both how when we learn more we will be able to play tgt. u noe the fun of playing tgt? most ppl dun understand, why we like to play tgt so much. but doing tings tgt ish fun. esp wif ur love one. But well. it doesnt always go the way u wan it. ani way i m learning. self study. n o ya. nid money to buy books to study le? rite musical guide books r so exp. hump hump.

> birthdaes (lots in mind, lots to buy)
I nid n badly nid money. coz wif money i will be able to buy wad others yearn for. for them when their birthdae ish here. but yet i m so poor. tat i cant affort to buy wad they wan for them =(

> my trip.
Gosh i got so mani places i wan to go. but yet without money. i can onli stay in singapore. >.< n now i m tinking abt my bdae trip to genting. shell i juz cancel n maybe work during my off week. work nite shift to earn money. than juz let my bdae be one working dae. no celebration at all.=(

>my camera
I have been badly wanting a camera since dunnoe when. But tis ish some tin i can wait n ish waiting. Hopefully by the time i hav the money n ability to go over sea n play i hav it wif mi =( sony

>new Hp
which ish to mi not impt at the veri moment. coz my phone ish in good condition n ish not a rush to wait till my line r due n wait for the phone i like to drop price. ^^ but still money ish in.

that jus abt it. i guess with all tis add up. ish around a few k's already. *shrug* i'm not born wif golden spoon. alot of tings i hav to earn it. not easi. i guess even if i go sell backside i oso cant hav tat large amt of money. So all i can do ish work hard work harder.>.< tired le. shell go sleep n dream how should i manage. hahas. i will go thru all tis de. after complaining abt no money i will complain of not enuf time de le. hahas. nitez all. no no ish good morning.~

voilin

2008-02-29T17:58:00.003+08:00

Tis few daes. hav been playing wif my veri new toy. hahas. ish not a toy but a dream. a dream tat i hav wanted to achieve, since i was sec 4 which was 16 yrs old. i rmb tat i promised jade tat i will play her a birthdae song after i learn to play voilin. but it nv did come true. I was however veri hard wroking at tat time. when to find the books tat ish needed. for self learn but wad i lack was the courage n the money to go n buy a voilin. Finalli due to my sis 3 mins of hotness n passion for learning to play voilin. we shared n bought one.

n so i m learning. ern. see who will be the first i play a birthdae song for bah. But now i;m still out of tune most of the time. ish not realli easi n my hand are so tired. hahas. i didnt play alot. coz i still nid my sleep n work. as tis few daes i'm on nite shift.

Tings has happen tis few daes, nite mate came hunting mi down. sadness settle in n i noe i cant run away from it ani more. i hav to face it already i hav been running away alot. ever since it actualli happen. i keep telling myself. it doesnt matter. it doesnt hurt mi ani more. it ish not at all important. But than and agn. tis ish all lies. I noe i mind alot abt it. when u see urself bleeding. u noe tat it ish pain. but u will tell others, ish not pain at all. it doesnt matter. Jus so tat ppl wont worri for u n oso to show tat u r strong. BUT I M NOT tat strong as i hope i m. i noe i cannot hold on ani more. i m down n depress. my wound still hurt.n no one will apply a plaster for u. even if they do. will it help? a correct wound dressing ish needed to heal the wound n wound review actualli help to detect ani infection settling in. usualli will cover wif a full course of antibiotic. which help to fight the bact, n than a ATT ject.

but for my case. my wound has been ani how handle. Tinking tat it ish not important at all. Coz i will always smile. the veri nx dae. But it ish indeed infected already.how i wish. wad i wish for will come true. or should i said. the way i hope ppl would treat mi. or the way i hope i will get treated. i put in effort to treat u nicely. carefully not to hurt u. But it's oso my fault tat when i get hurt i become careless. I become hurtful to u. in some sense i cause pain to u. but yet ish not as painful as the one tat i m feeling. i just trying to tell u. i m in pain. =) i'm a freak .

Once upon.
I open my door.
I see the beauty of life.
I see the smile.
I see the brightness.
a hopeful future.
Than war came.
The knife tat cut thru the skin.
The liquid tat drip down
From the heart.
The pain tat was crying.
I closed my door.
for i cant see no more of such.
in no courage to open agn
alone i sat.
in the darkness.
awaiting n hoping.
for the meaning of
LOVE.

Nice? my doing. hahas. nvm =) i shell be going, preparing for work tonite. T.T so mani more nites to go. T.T kies wish my hav a good nite. Bless all wit hope n future. now i aim for more $$ shell start working harder. to earn my own future ^^. u too work hard o. ^^

here agn

2008-02-17T12:29:00.002+08:00

Yosh. finalli, i'm here agn to blog. leave have been a veri happening n tiring daes. happi, sad n pain. yes. Leg pain. hahas. but ish already on the way of recoving. Ish no longer pig leg tat u call it. hahas. Hav always wanted to blog. but yet dunnoe wad to write abt. My feeling goes up n down. been feeling sleepy. hahas so i guess tis ish due to not enuf sleep. wad elsa can it be?

A veri happi chinese new yr to all.
To mi. i onli celebrated one dae of new yr which was the veri first dae. for the rest of the 2 daes tat ppl ish having their holidae, will i m busy working my dae. was wonderfully BUSY. but realli i did enjoy myself hahas. even the crowed ish big but than. it was reali fun. hahas. dun nid mi spell it out for u ehh. hahas.

Happi valentine dae to all of u.
I m not forgeting all tis yr how i pass my val dae. my frens are always wif mi to pass it. even thou i noe tis special dae ish for couples but dun u tink tat val dae ish also for frens too? they r the one tat when u n ur bf got problem. they r there for u. Frens are nv forgotten. ^^ n val ish for ppl u love isst not so? haha ^^

mood: sleepy n down.
Heart:72 beats/min
stauts: alone.

Take care. Love all. I didnt forget ani one of u. =) Loves

time

2008-02-01T23:52:00.000+08:00

Time. where did all my time gone to? Suddenly, i found out tat i spent less time wif biebie didnt meet up wif ani of my fren. Fishii ish busy wif exam so i didnt pei her oso. Than i dun hav enuf sleep. and i didnt catch ani anime tis few weeks. WHERE DID ALL MY TIME GONE TO? Humm. I realli can figure it out. I spent time blogging? but it wont take up much time either. I didnt game. Didnt lvl. Didnt chat. didnt msg alot. than wad m i doing? i hav no idea.

Despite trying to chase bk all the time i hav lost. I cant figure out where did they go at all. o well. let it be bah. Tis few daes oso like tat. Seem to be a veri cold person. inside feel rather moody. I oso dunnoe why. bro oso seems to be rather unhappi de. Skipping din wif us n seldom talk much. Dunnoe wad ish happening to him. But well i guess let him handle it himself first. HE might be able to solve it him self. a growing up point bah.

wad's making mi feel moody? i hav no idea. abt it wor. i oso dun wan to gib ani maybe ani more. or should i said i m tired tat's y i m all moody. i tink. i m tired. no more energy. to do tis n tat. no heart to do so. I wish for a simple person to company mi. but be some one quiet, nice , relax. some one tat i can lay on. some one soft. some one. some one bah. but currently no one ish like tat.

o ya. i noe. i m hurt. by my mums words ytd. the words tat she said was totally. PAIN. i dunnoe how to describe the feeling. But i realli didnt noe tat to her ish such a ting. The amt of money tat i gib her monthly. she treat it as renter fee. when i heard such words. my heart drop to the floor. does it mean tat it ish like a hotel? does she not noe the pain of her words? My god. Even now tears will juz fill my eyes recalling wad happened. i didnt cry ytd. i noe it would be stupid to cry for her. it would be a waste. n even if i cry it oso wont change the fact tat she said tat. n i noe SHE MEAN IT. ache. ache ache. zhen de heng tong. love die a little. n alittle. will find a place to move out when i m able to do so bah. i dun understand the word "FAMILY" ani more. where ish all the love n warmness? aiz. PAIN.

it doesnt matter ani more. nth matter ani more. i m tired. tired of living. let it all be gone. let mi go. go to some where. where tings will start all over agn. where no one noe mi. where i can start living anew. a fresh mi. work hard jia you one dae i will leave here to work for a place far from here where no one can find mi. when nth will matter ani more.
=( mUsH i wish for a new start a better relationship.

MI mi?

2008-01-31T16:26:00.000+08:00

TAURUS -
The TrampAggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight.Fight for what they want. Can be annoying at times, but for the love of attention. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. They can be self centered and if they want something they will do anything to get it. They love to sleep and can be lazy. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth!

thanks

2008-01-29T23:40:00.000+08:00

NVM. i give up. i'll nv be able to understand ani tin from all the pieces of paper which i hav infront of mi. O. okay rite now ish the com not the paper. ani way. I wont be able to do so. SQC sounds like an exam to mi. But till tml will i noe if i m one of the choosen one. Cross my finger n hope not mi.

Blog hopped around. I miss some links coz tat person closed his blog which make mi unable to link to others blog. I miss the wongs in tat few blog n the happiness n knowledge tat i would be able to find. o well. my loss.

But mummi post light up my smile. Thanks alot mummi. I hav been feeling realli down. maybe down becoz of my stupidness. Down becoz of my low knowledge. down becoz of too much questionmark. I dun like not knowing where m i heading. I'm growing up yet alot of timgs. I still feel like a child. Not noeing where to go wad to do at all. aiz. Apart from tat i m working. I see no grow up in mi. thanks alot mummi for filling up my questions mark. For always teaching mi n guiding mi. n some time even protecting mi. Thanks alot. i noe u r there for mi when i nid u to.

Talk abt ur post. shopping. yes i haven buy ani tops yet. n i too went shopping alone. Todae. >.< but however due to limited time i m unable to realli shop. Juz hav a short walk before i actualli head to work. afterwork i usualli will be dame tired to actualli shop. Some more i nid to save money. In nid of money. not realli but not rich despite i juz got paid not long ago. preparing for some happening. i hope. hungry hungry. hahas. sorri suddenly feel so. hahas.

hopped to fishii blog. saw her finish her entries n straight go read. I knew it. I knew all tis. I told her before tat she would sure miss her. N tat she ish sad abt all tis but she said no she wont. =P i noe u well enuf. U r human too. we r all human. like wad i said, juz the way we both handle tings. we will keep silent but we noe we r sad. we noe we r hurt. onli ting ish tat when u angry u will show. when i angry i still keep silent. hahas. tat's mi lo ^^.

late le. i shell keep my sqc in bag n bring to work agn tml. ne. sleep well. good nite to all. love love. =) mush love mummi (= love love. Muackz

tings

2008-01-29T11:00:00.000+08:00

When u notice tat my blog ish starting to get fill up. you should hav guess. wad ish happening to her. hahas. ya. tis few weeks. i started to feel more n more down. I hav no idea wad ish happening to mi. juz feel like going down the slope. could it be due to stress. CNY ish coming. n i hav to work one of the dae double shift. I unnoe wad to aspect from the crowed. I hav no idea how will it be like. Hahas. yes i m tat kind tat start to worri before the tings actualli took place. Coz by tat time it take place. i hav already settle my emotion to work hard. hahas. juz like exam. I will worri 1 week before hand. Than when it is time for the paper i m prepared to face it wif a smile. Tis ish mi. hahas.

recalling. my godma said abt mi. she said tat i m a impatience gal. humm. to tink abt tat, i answer her wif a yes. i m impatience. hahas. But i juz cant help it. U r dueling wif my stomach. Mind u a Hungry man ish an angry man. So is a gal. cant help it when i m hungry u noe. hahas. humm. but i m not tat patience afterall. well u mus see. I m always being rush by my client. do u tink i can be patience?

To the concer of my heart there ish some tin stuck there for mi to feel scare abt n not noeing wad to aspect. I noe sooner or later tis will hav to come. But i juz feel tat i m not ready at tis point of time. But to tink abt it. I will nv be ready. It osh not the age tat counts. I tink it ish more of the heart n mind preparation. Tat actualli ish going thru. why m i so navie. gosh.

i guess wad i lack of ish knowledge. Alot of tings will go question mark in my brain. aiz aiz.
Mush =( i dun like it at all. Bless all.

wad should be done.

2008-01-27T23:51:00.000+08:00

I oso dunnoe wad should be done to my current condition. i m neither here nor there. or either here or there. Actualli i oso hav no idea wad i wan to do. i wan to help but i oso dunnoe how to help. seem like i onli can stand here n look at how tings goes. actualli ish not realli to my problem. but i juz cant help it.

i'm so looking forward to going alan house for dinner ^^ ish the first time tat we r gathering at his place. But than there r oso alot of ppl tat i hav not yet meet before. it feel so funni. idk. coz i m not veri sociable. But wif comfortable frens around u. it tends to feel okay ^^. mummi kor kor n fishii will be wif mi. so no worri's i guess.

currently: sleepy. tis few daes had not been getting alot of sleep. lols. dunnoe wad i hav been doing. feel like sleeping. but yet feel abit of a waste of time sia. guai guai de. relationship hasnt been tat good. ups n down the hill. at a point it was wonderful. Than it start going down. Than down down down. i mus said the way i handle tings ish not tat excellent. not even to reach good. Rite. my relationship points to all type. be it family frens works n love. Gosh i m nv good at it. The best relationship i hav. i tink ish myself. lols. i nv able to balance to make everione happi. But i can cAuse everi one sad all at the same time. >.< suck sia. i dun like it tis way.

Maybe due to both side busy, ern i m not busy u noe. But ended up i feel like the ship ish getting futher away from the land. i dun wan to be like tat. but i oso dun understand myself well enuf to look n handle the tings correctly. i cant lost ani of my ships. But yet. I cant hold them all close to mi. aiz aiz.

No idea wad i should do. =( sad case.
Mush alone. Tis eeling has been for some time. Doesnt seem able to get in touch wif ani one Facing a ET sitting beside mi. we hav different wave length. one dae i will get elec.cue. ehh.

aiz. bless all.

wad did i do?

2008-01-24T00:17:00.000+08:00

wad did i do to desever tat word? "Coz i hate You" In my mind. I keep on questioning myself. wad did i do? n the best ting was. i will nv be able to get the answer. coz no matter how i ask tat person. Tat person juz wont tell mi. hell how m i to explain myself? or should i juz keep silent. but i cant bring myself to be hate by some one. If there ish ani misunderstanding or ani tin. let mi at least hav the chance to fight for myself. But than in another case. Maybe it doesnt realli matter. why do i mind so much since u dun care. aiz wad to do. didnt noe wad happening n all i get ish tis word " i hate you"

i always thot tat tis words would be veri hurtful. In some case yes it ish. when u realli mind abt tat person or the person u love n u concer said tis words to u. But in other case it juz cant be help how the way other ppl tink abt u. Tis words "i hate you" i dun said tis out easily. n let mi tink. I dun rmb ani one said tis words to mi before. coz i m always a nobody. N todae i was shock to see such words said to mi. Gosh. i realli dunnoe how to react. I wan to scold. but than n agn i tink. isst wad i did? which idk. till now. keep on tinking. reason??

Todae wasnt a bad dae apart from tat ting above. I hav had a good time. playing. eating. chatting. or wad so ever. if ani one of u noe wad happen. which i swear i didnt do ani tin wrong. pls tell mi. wad ish the reason tat make ppl "Hate" mi? humm. if u hate mi too. tell mi. at least i noe. If it ish my problem. or my fault.

Mush in doubt?? =(

not knowing

2008-01-20T17:47:00.000+08:00

Holding a basketball on my hand. Yet not knowing wad to do. The feeling of throwing it n playing wif it. seem to hav decrease from juz now. Sooner or later i tink i gonna go bath n put the ball back.

Juz now suddenly hav the craving to play. Yet slowly the feeling started to decrease when time goes by. Looking at the ball. throwing it up n down. Than it all surface up. My pass. I will nv forget. the past tat grow wif mi. the past tat nv leave mi. The past tat haunt mi. My past memories. I seal it wif basketball. Everi time i take out the ball. It all start to come bk. Ish not like wad sch champs or ani tin proud of aniway. BUt it ish a part of my growing up. apart where everi tin start n stop. my veri first understanding of mi. a route tat i can nv turn bk n i dun wish to turn bk. even if u gib mi a chance to redo everitin i dun wan to make an effort to even go bk. Juz leave the memories as it is. There r part i love. there r parts i hate. there r precious ppl in it. there r frens tat i hav not contacted. there r alot of tings n will nv be the same agn. a long road. to u. u may not be able to see wad i hav go thru. To some others. they may tink stupid. to even tink bk. But i treasure al the memories be it good or bad. I treasure the time i spent wif everione. N i treasure the memories tat i hav. it some tin tat build who i m.

ani moment from now i shell go n bath n do some tin elsa. ya. Guess i feel sleepy agn. N hell fishii ish taking a veri long time doing jap wif my little aunt. yWAns. shell i put down n go bath. i tink i shell. maybe some other daes bah. Basketball. Juz i dun hav the fate to play. it has ended. long before i noe.

MusH =(

posting

2008-01-19T11:29:00.000+08:00

"在一个寒冷的冬天，一位青年正想把一颗枯树锯下来作燃火的材料。然而他的父亲看了便立刻阻止他，并对他说: "孩子，决不要在情绪坏的时候，做出重大的决定。耐心等待吧，东天会过去，春天也会再来。"

Came across tis words. Is rather true tat some time we make decision in a rush way n to benefit our suitation now. But wad tis words ish telling is tat let's not do ani decision first wait for awhile. But how long u hav to wait. some time some tings are done the faster the better. ern tings like: u found u got cancer, u shouldnt wait u should faster go get treatment lor. or erm like u n a gal/guy dated from few years. suddenly u feel tat u dun love tat guy/gal ani more. should u straight away break or should u wait?

A good question: wait to confirm ur feeling. make sure tat u realli hav no feeling ani more n let the gal/guy go so u wont feel at lost? or should u jz straight tell the gal/boi tat u got no more feeling for him/her n let her/him go n find a better gal/boi.

with the lines above i got alot more to said. n alot of unfair to said. But to tink abt it. in tis world there ish no fairness. ur boss can angry at u n show u faces but u cant angry at him n show him faces. ur mum can hit u but u cant hit bk. but to tink abt it we r all guided by our self moral. we wont go hit our parent even when they hit use rite?

i hav been typeing for the pass 1 hrs but to come n read abt it. i can't figure out wad i m tinking n writing abt. Sleep le one whole dae yet i still feel sleepy. cant figure out wad was wrong wif mi. dun tell mi 4 dae of nite shift realli tat tiring. hey dun count my sickness in. i m still strong u noe. >.< i hope so i m strong. But the above chinese words are wad i tink when i m still awake. hahas.

=( feel so down when u r tired. But i noe alot of tings ish going thru my mind. making mi so tired. i cant go sleep. coz i will get more n more tired. but can i juz sleep n dun wake up ani more? i wish to hav a long deep sleep. n rest.

mush rot=(

active

2008-01-17T13:13:00.000+08:00

Tis few daes has been posting blog actively. hohoho. ask mi y. coz i hav alot of time. u see. when ppl r sleeping i m working. when ppl wake up i oso still awake. doesnt it look like i hav alot of time? hahas. ya. or maybe. i m doing less talking.

blog hop agn. due to mummi post. was trying to find out whoes post make her sad. wad ever she ish envy at. i do agree wif her. mus od the tings a oso feel evny wif. Like ppl who noes how to bake n cook. n alot alot more. shrug* wells. as a matter of facts. we both are gals. envy ish not a bad tings but ish juz different ppl will envy wif different tin. "ni kan wo hao, wo kan ni hao" but whoes better? it all depend on how u view tings.

went thru fishii post.like i asked u. ish which part of u paste a "bulli mi" words? ehh n y ppl can bulli u n i can? hump~ unfair. u r juz treating ur frens too good n showing mi all the ugly side. >.< unfair. i oso wan to bulli u. T.T always kenna bulli from u. to mi taking advantage of u ish not all close fren at all. i cant help it. juz cant hold my tongue back. Wad n idiot tat cause u to be able to sleep at 3 plus 4 am. but than n agn u always sleep at tat time when u watch anime -.- lalalas~ hahas. Frens. humm. i dunnoe wad to commen abt it. coz i do hav close fren n they r good. ern. look on the bright side lo. i'll be here nx time when u phone ring okay? ^^

random tots~ still having flu.Dx: URTI
Stay happi to all =) i'm trying my best to recover from physical n mental. last nite tonite. yes! hahas. tired ar. =( i hate nitemare. I juz hav one tis amso horrible. all the bees, ants n xiao qiang. gosh oso got crab. i realli wake up sitting up. gosh ish realli. aiz, make mi so tired =.= sleeping soon in another 30 mins if i can tahan. med sure knock mi out.hahas

dame

2008-01-16T13:31:00.000+08:00

Gosh. Congratz if u mus said. I'm sick. -.- n for some reason i m happi but yet unhappi abt my sickness. coz. it has been a long time since i get sick. i use to break 3 yrs record of not getting sick but. >.< maybe ish due to nite shift tat i got sick bah. aiz aiz. cant take mc coz one of the staff already took mc i n dun wish to see the other staff die alone. is not veri nice u noe =) so mah. i m on medi le. despite the fact tat i onli sick for tat few daes. erm 3rd dae bah. But i noe i will be okay when my off daes comes. hahas.

ytd was a total down to the bottom tings. aiz. mush felt so hurt. Tis ish the 2nd scar le. idk why tis happen to her but i guess she realli nid to be stronger. weakling like her shouldnt be too devoted to love. It seem to her tat love hurts. but yet alot of times she see sweet love too. she ask mi. why ish all tis happening to her. ish she hard to talk to or hard to open up. But than isst her fault tat coz all tis to happen to her? to mi, sort of. coz when some one lie to u. it mus be. u got problem tat the person dun feel like telling u or he/she ish not close to u. suggested to her tat she should try to relax on all account n tat sometime see wad the other person realli wans. look at the reason why tat person lie to u. but i cant not agree wif her tat lie realli hurt ppl.

i rmb how my mum got veri angry at us due to lying. n that ish where all the caning took place. n she will keep shout" why do u wan to lie to mi" n hit n hit. hahas. i guess tis ish the pain tat she felt. gone by the wind thos were the daes. case study time:
~nah not for todae. hahas. till when i hav a good case stady than i'll write out agn.

aiz aiz. i juz woke up not long n now sleepy agn. shell i go sleep? hahas. Nitez all. =) god bless all couples. N if u realli love tat gal pls treasure her n if u tink tat u hav found ur mr rite. Dun let him go away. Coz before u noe it love might hav juz ended round the corner.

working nites realli tiring esp when u r sick. =X i hate it. SORETHROAT~

2008-01-14T00:04:00.000+08:00

Blog hopped around juz now. visited some of the ppl blog for some updates as well as some story.

n one of the blog touches mi alot. The feeling of sweetness when i read his post. seeing how he treasure her so much. The pic they took tgt. their 1st tis tat. n how he feel in their 1 yr anni. zhen de veri veri sweet. It realli feel like wad all the gals will wan for. of coz i cant tell u wad they hav been thru. wad had happen n wad make them walk tat long. coz i dunnoe them at all. But their happiness ish still able to reach mi as i read down the line. I wish them sweet n happi always. To kent n gynn. wish u both forever love =) sweet loving couples. aiz the happi ever after.

Bt some of the tings i noe abt couples tat make mi feel even more touch by their story was how the gal keep on treasure the guy n yet wad did he do to her? ditched her away. n another cases r how the gal get tired of the guy n use him as atm. i hav such cases on hand. ms a n mr b r couple. mr b love ms a alot. mr b treat ms a super good. but however mr b do not hav alot of time to pei ms a. but whenever mr b can. he will make a trip down to find ms a n pei her. they r tgt for a few yrs le. than one dae. ms a tell mr c tat se like him. mr c was unsure. mr c NOES tat ms a got boifren but yet mr c likes ms a too. so it all started. ms a got tgt wif mr c. without mr b noeing. tink abt tis question....
- isst fair to mr b?
- wad does mr c feel when ms a n mr b r tgt?
- who ish the worst person in tis scene?
- isst fair to mr c?
- who gain the most?

dame it. I mean, why do a gal ever nid another guy when she got such a loving boyfren. I would nv do it. Gosh i would love my BF wif all my heart n nv betray him. i feel so unfair to both of the boi. n who gain most? ms a. feel so selfish of her to do so. anger. but on second tot. gal always like to get pamper. but i mean. T.T compared the both cases. a sweet loving couple n a triangle love. love wad can i said? sweet bitter n some time stupid. But i wish i'll hav a sweet love. one first love tat i would nv forget. tat last thru out my life. wish all couple be happi n dun do stupid tings. learn to treasure her/him before it ish too late. before u loss him/her. dun wait for sweetness. be sweet n hope u will oso get sweet return bah. sweet loving.

=) a story tat touch my life. u r my guild line. my inspiration. best wishes

dae 2

2008-01-10T11:34:00.000+08:00

dae 2 of not touching maple. feeling? humm. rather nth much to do de. hahas. But it doesnt realli seem to matter alot. o juz on maple to hav a look at my dear little darling milk. Than found out tat my stars has expired. o well. I guess things r slowly fading away. let mi see another 13 more daes will be erm. 23/1/08? ya than soon everi tin will be gone. 29/1/08 if i'm not wrong. Poor snowie. tis few daes juz hav to be lonely n eat air le. hahas.

Now mah. nth much to do juz slacking around. maybe going out of house a little earlier. go walk around bah. or slack till last min than rush oso not bad. hahas. working life mah. ish like tat de lor. yuan lai a single working life person ish so bored de. But hor. i tink. at least they better got close fren. ern. i oso got ar. hahas. but dun feel like disturbing them rite now.

current feeling. hum. hav to tink hao hao before i write. hahas. tis ish a open blog but no visitor. hahas. so mah it doesnt matte to mi kakaka. okay. i dunnoe wad to do. waiting for shit. so long de. sian sian you shi yi tian.

target of the dae: sleep at 10.30 pm ^^
i will do it de. ^^ so tml i wont suffer ^^ back to my oldies. my olden daes. my olden self. ^^ welcome bk ^^ ms chng.

idk

2008-01-09T10:08:00.000+08:00

wad the hell. I dunnoe why i m feeling tis way now. i feel so angry. feel so hot feel like scolding everione. for nth. lol. menopause. hahas. i guess there ish some of the unhappiness in mi tat i m not accepting tat cause mi to be tis way bah. let mi see when was the last time i cry? dun rmb le. there ish so much of things happening around mi. tat i m unable to catch up n unable to explain or share wif ani one.

I feel so irritated so arrhz.lol suddenly found a bruise on my hand. pain >.< well i guess i can start giving ppl answer to their question making them all unhappi wif mi or juz to tell them leave mi alone. I dunnoe u. But i guess the truth ish. I m still unsure abt my rlship. But i noe. doubting too much n i will be the one tat cause the end of it. rite? well i guess so. I should start learning how to treasure n wad to said wad not to said n oso wad to hack care n wad to care. But i realli haven been having much of the mood to do so. No ish not mood to do so. ish more of the i dun wan to nag.
- missing out classes
- sleeping late
- mapling till late nitez

ya i m unhappi abt all tis but i. i dun wan to said it out. coz i cant do ani tin abt it. Tis ish ur freedom. i dun wan to restrict it. come on we all hav a life. Tis ish all our private life. msg from u ish getting lesser too. Well i guess ur phone ish giving u more problem or tat u hav no time to msg mi due to gaming.

Topice tat we can share ish oso getting lesser. u mah game whole dae. But i realli hav no interest in ur gaming world. wad's the point of reaching to ur fren lvl. but well i guess. u r a guy n GAMES will always be there. tis juz make mi wan to cry. games. games games games. ARHz. i hate games. i shell not game for 1 week. i dun care. i will juz vanish. like the thin air. for 1 whole week. Pretend tat i m lost in some dunnoe outter space.

I wan to screm n shout to tell u tat i hate u. i wan to leave u. I wan to go. i wan to walk away. BUt i cannot. coz tis ish all not true. i dun hate u. I dun wan to let u go. But i juz wan to be alone. Juz let mi be bah.

I wont cry, i wont cry. i wont cry. i will be strong n hold back my tears. I will be good. I will stand strong. I will recover. i will always be there. i will jus keep quiet n silent my anger. I will vent eveitin on the page n stop all the pain tat i m feeling. calm down. I will tell myself. ish okay. even when no one ish wif u. u r not alone. Coz i will oso be here for u. i dunnid ani one. I hav got my best soul mate. Mi. if u realli cannot walk ani more. juz take a sit n rest. But dun gib up.

wad did i do wrong to hav all tis tat i hav been thru. wad isst tat i do? why isst mi. so isolated. so had to understand.

When was the last time i cried: 9/1/08, juz.

now i feel much better =) after being so unreasonable. one word WOMEN.