=X Seem like i m more n more hack care. Seem like i m saying out wad i wanna said more n more easily. Isst my temper is turning more n more bad or wad??
Tis few mths. Going thru all the emotional "training" ya "training" was like HELL. N seem like i m becoming more n more strong. How should i said it? Now i m not afraid of being alone? i was nv afraid. juz a nicer word of i CARE. Care of other ppl feeling. But wad's the use if they nv tink about ur feeling n yet. U r always helping them to tink. No point at all. So learning. First think about ur own feeling before other ppl feeling. U live n stay alife for urself. Not for other. Tis is UR live. Dun always get control by other ppl feeling n emotion.
Yet on the other hand. Some time silent is better than u actualli fight back to wad other ppl said abt u. Silent does not mean tat u actualli loss. No, not at all. Is either, u r too tired to fight back or who care wad tat person said. Since is not true. N wad's the point of explaining urself, If tat person already DISLIKE you or wadever you are doing. To avoid trouble, no movement will be the best movement. No all ppl can view everione point of view. Like mi. I m not perfect. N i m not trying to be one too. Coz is too tiring n too hard to pls everione around u.
How mani time m i the real mi when facing ppl. Well i nv wanna hide. All i did is hide my feeling. Apart from tat i tink i m quite real. No hard feeling. Since u r not sharing wad u feel. So why mus i share my feeling wit u? N when sharing of feeling often end up being hurt. So keep ur feeling to urself. Hey is none of other ppl problem. Tis is wad lead to alot of ppl keeping all the problem n unable to open up to their fren or even they dun hav some one to share wit them. Or they juz tink that none can be trust. well... is up to u to decide.
Juz typing out some thouts tat is in my brain. I'm learning to be stronger each dae. Or my patient is getting shorter. Wadever isst. I can onli said, I m being like tat is becoz, my suitation n environment train mi to be like tat. Pls, if my surrounding hav no changes, i wont even hav to make changes to adept to the place. Life was simple back than. Tough rite now. Growing up. N being adult. Mature? NaH... Idun tink i can make it. I juz wanna be a kid tat's all. Some time is worth to do some self reflection.
I m not the best.
i m not prefect.
i m weak
But
I m who i m
My enviroment shape mi to who we are.
And believe tat no matter wad happen.
NV GIB UP. I WONT (*VVV*)
11:24 PM
Since a long time i updated my own blog le. Lots Of tins has taken place. Ofcoz, If not My life will be veri wu liao rite ^^.
Still okay bah. My daes oso juz pass by like tat. O ya. Todae is ren ri. Means human dae. Wish all a veri happi Birthdae to humans ^^
Looked thru some of the pictures i have took. Long time nv post it out le. Coz i fat le. Ugly le. So dun dare gib u all see. Getting more n more round !! HoW HoW??
No choice, tat is mi. No matter how round i m. I m still who i m. Maybe less confident lower self esteem. Self blame. All tat mah. Chey long time already like tat le. Like being alone. Feeling of lonelness. Use to it lo.
But i m bless wit good frens. Fun loving sista n bro. N oso my beloved dar. So my life is not as empty as i always tink n feel tat it would be.
Quarrels n fights are way to fill life wit color. Funni color. But some times. I do wish to juz sit in one coner n take a rest. Juz look at the celling think about all the silly tins tat i have done. Tink about all the ppl tat cross my life. Juz enjoying my own time to be lonely. Is a way to stop n look back. a way of reflecting my own mistake over n over agn. Which is veri wrong of doing so.Why?? Coz i'll nv be able to over come all the guilt tat i feel everi time i tink about all the pass.
Tat's y, i'm learning. Learning to care less. Less about how they feel, wad they doing n wad will happen to them. But can i realli do it. Well i hav to start being selfish. For my good n for the ppl around n who realli care abt mi veri much, for their good too. Coz they dun wanna see mi hurt.
But i wanna noe. M i being LoVe?? Pls tag if u love mi. I wanna noe who realli care for mi. Thank you veri much.
2:38 PM
How long did i nv update my blog~~
Long lo.
Juz lazy to realli do an update bah.
Lot's of tins had happen thru out the wks tat i nv update. But i cannot write evri tin down now. Coz i forgot most of it =P. If is bad tins Juz let it pass bah. If it is good tin, I m sure i did enjoyed myself de. So mah, enjoy le rmb oso no use le. Haha. No lah. Juz veri busy wit my project work.
Total of 4 project work. Already 1 down. Was a great presentation. We all worked veri hard. I did my part. All work till midnite. Tis is how hard working we are. Xuan, our leader, oso said tat tis sem we all put in alot of effort. Well u noe la. Last sem le. Some more tis project is not like the ones we did before. There are alot of tins we felt veri lost. But she is a good leader. She realli guide us thru everi tin. although she is NOT god.
3 more project left on hand. N tis time round 3 different leader. So 3 project are all in process together. We hope to finish the 3 project before chinese new year. But it will be real hard. Coz we are not sure how it should be done. Other member might be more clever than mi. More pro than mi. Juz i always get lost. Maybe is my process slow bah. Nid more time to think.
Some times they do make fun of mi. Saying tat my process is realli veri slow and it take one dae for mi to understand wad they are saying. Than one of my fren said: if there is a brain transplant, My brain will be veri expensive. Coz NV use before -.- N they all luff-ed so hard. Aiz. Wo ye bu xiang de ar. But seem like realli veri slow le. =P My sis said tat wo man 3 pai. N mummy-maine said tat wo man 6 pai. -.- m i tat slow. Funni. But i feel tat my brain is okay le. Y like tat de?? Should let it work harder bah. ^^ i will try de.
o.0 valentine dae is coming. Have u get ani tin for ur love one?? No matter wad u get for them. I bet they will love it de. As for mi mah. Hump~~
Treasure tat veri special dae and spent it wit ur love one bah. How i wish i can too.~~
Of coz i can, still can spent time wit my sis n bro n oso my dear fren ^^
Is oso known as international frenship dae ^^
Wish all the couple~loving forever
Wish all tat haven found their Mr n ms rite Happi dae
Wish all my fren Happi frenship dae
N wish all my love one Happi valentine
Mus oso wish my xiao zhu happi valentine too
8:55 PM
Been since a long time i actualli update my blog. Some times feel tat my life is realli boring tat dun realli nid alot of update. Or juz some of the tins nid not to be kept as memories. N yes i do have another place keeping memories too. Juz i cant possiblily be doing two blog at the same time rite? Ya i noe sis did said tat i can do a copy paste tin. But wad's the point of doing so?
My mind is full of rubbish rite now. Yes, i feel tired n yet i m unwilling to go sleep. I Dun Noe wad i m tinking of. I cant figure it out myself too. Some how i should noe it. But yet, I m unable to tell u or said out wad m i tinking. Thouts juz went round my mind. Running freely losely. But not at all wild. In the sense of, They juz like air particles floating freely inside my brain. I feel so unknown. seem that i lost in a sea full of stranger. Swimming in the wrong direction.
I nid light. N the onli light tat i can actualli turn on is myself. Tis is wad i always said to other ppl. No OnE CaN HelP U. ExCePt UrSeLf. So i totally understand tat n do support wad i, myself, Said. I will learn to be a stronger gal. I more hard working gal. No matter wad happen, nV GiB Up. Let's all settle down n hav a good chat before we find faugh in ecah. Jia you harn. Be ur own better supportor. N by agreeing with ur fren n oso urself.
SlOw Process le. Cant ta han ani more. sleepy lor. Wan an le evri one. I go lala le. ^^
Eye closing le. Tired ar. Take care all. Tata^^
12:44 AM
