Ytd nite. Felt veri tired. Till i juz feel like sitting down doing nth at all n juz stare at the celling. I'm sorri tis juz happened to mi. Sis was talking to mi. N my answer to her was i juz gib her a smile n tat's all. Unable to answer or wad. Unable to gib her my point of view. On-ed com n did wad should be done. N juz stared at the com. Stun for a few moment. Juz like tat In a position. Wish juz to stay tat way. aiz. Have no clue wad's happening to mi.

Than love called mi. I dun feel like picking up the phone. Coz i dun wan to affect his mood. I noe when i m all up sad n unwell. He would feel good too. But i realli dun wish tat he would see mi so xin ku. But, at the same time. I actualli feel like listening to his voice. I misses him alot. I noe i dun talk much n we do hav alot of silent moment in the phone. Coz my brain dun turn tat fast n his was always ready to attack my words. Picked up his call. Than he started asking mi lots. No. I m not tired of u. Not i m not trying to do wad ever u said. N no i m Not okay. Does a okay person will be like mi mah? But wo mei shi. I juz wish to stay like tat. Look at the celling. Juz like tat. Relax bah. I'm sorri. I realli trying veri hard to be strong n not to break down. I wont be defeated by all tat de. I'm trying veri hard to Hold back n fight back my tears n to tell myself. I will be able to do it.

after finish call wit u. i went bed le. Off light look at the celling. Feel the comfort of the bed. Doggies n tas are wit mi thru out. Feel so shu fu. Than tink abt the stuff n start feel better le. Gib love a msg jiu sleep le. Than not long later, I feel tat some one keep staring at mi. Feel so scarely. I got feeling de la, Stare till no choice i have to wake up. LoL. My mum keep staring at mi. Than i told her i nth juz tired. I juz nid rest. She worri abt mi coz i seldom like tat. My sis told her tat she seldom see mi like tat. feel like i veri stress than keep all tins inside my heart. Than stress up. Scare tat i would go tink abt killing myself agn coz i cannot cope wit the stress all tat. N Juz all the repeating history tat i would go thru agn. Jump building.... eat panadol(finish the whole box)... blahblahblah.... No worri. wo zhen de mei shi de. I m stronger now. i hope so. My sis ask mi if i nid go see doctor a not. I told her, No nid. Coz the best tin is i noe wad is happening to mi. N there are times that a person would suffer from depression. Juz mine is more offen. N if U dun understand mi well. I'm afraid tat u would leave mi veri soon. Coz when my depression set in, I tends to push away ppl. Reject ppl. Tat's y i'll got limited fren. I dun make close fren. Coz i anti social =P

=X I find it hard to said tis word. Muackz. I dunnoe why. But juz doesnt seem rite. May be some one can teach mi the rite way of saying it? Hard le. I rather Juz gib u a kiss on the check. Easlier. Rather, I dun seem to be able to say it out. Is not i dun wan to say. But it juz doesnt seem rite at all. Love forgib mi. I rather gib u real ones. =X

preparing for work soon. Hope i wont have another depression todae. Is thru tat nv leave a depressed person alot. Coz she will start to tink alot n alot. But not all depressed person nid to be disturb. Some juz nid to relax n sort out their thouts. But let them noe tat they are not alone. Let them noe tat. There are ppl out there who is worri abt them. N tat they are nv alone. Nv. ^^ Like wad love did. My sis n mum. ^^ thankz.