Everyone will make mistakes in their life.
Taking the wrong pathway or making the wrong decisions.
One of the biggest mistakes that I’ve make in my life is to hurt someone. A special someone, that is so dear to me. Who is kind and understanding, who never complaints about my attitude or my behaviours. Who pampers me despite knowing that he is actually spoiling me. Who has never given up in our relationship. But what is done, is done. There is no turning back but to move on with life. We have been through the hardship and pain. Through thick and thin we promise of not giving up. We thought…. Or rather I thought even after this incident we can actually move on without looking back. Till he said it out than did I realised that it was not as simple as ABC. I should have known that the damage that was done to him was too huge. That it cannot be recovered fully and also leaving a big and ugly scar in his heart. Like a nightmare to him. I should have, on that very moment, left him for his good. He will be able to find a better gal. Someone that will not make the mistake that I have made.

Now I got it. The pain from the words he said. The guilt that I felt after the incident came haunting me back. The damage that I’ve made, I was too naïve to believe we will somehow walk out of the incident and stay blessed together. Since that incident till now has already pass 8 months. These 8 months, was filled with laughter, full of hope, blessed with love. We have short arguments, unhappiness, disagreement and misunderstanding. But those resolved less than 24 hrs, and then we will be laughing and playing again. Enjoying our days together. Why happiness never last long?

Is already the 3rd packet of tissue that I’ve use. I can’t forgive myself this time round when memories came pouring back to me. He did no wrong. He deserver someone better. One who can love him and put him in the first place. Unlike mi, who never know how to treasure such a good guy till when I’m losing it than realise how important he is. But I know even if I’m back together with him. I will still be as naught, as demanding and unreasonable as I have always been. But I promise I’ll never make the same mistake ever again. Cos through this incident I’ve learn how much he actually love me. How much he treasured me. How much he had give in to me.

But I dun have the courage to carry on anymore. I don’t know how we will be anymore. Will he still treat me as good as before? Will he still love mi and pampers me? Will he change his love towards me? And if he does still treat me like before, am I worth such treatment? Everyone make mistakes. Some mistakes can be covered up, some mistake cannot be forgiven. Some mistake can end up taking people life. My mistake causes my own fate. Fate is 50% done by god and 50% controlled by self. God let me know him, yet I destroyed the rest of the road. There is no one but me to blame. I won’t blame him if ever he decided to leave me. I dun have the right to give up on him. I dun even wan to. I’ll follow his decision weather to continue or to put a full stop to our story.

If we were to continue we have to put all these away from our memories, if not we will never be able to stay happy. If he were to give up, I’ll wish him all the best in his life and find a better gal.I admitted my mistake and sincerely said I’m Sorry.